the girl next door is a superhero

Fresh-ish

2007-11-20T10:17:00.000-05:00

So, you’re right. I haven’t posted in like 6 months. And several of you have been very vocal about your disappointment. Lets recap what’s happened in the last 200 days shall we?

1. Erik moved to NC
2. Luke and Cassie got engaged
3. I planned a wedding
4. I officially entered my “late 20’s”
5. Went on funnest beach trip ever with 3 bridesmaids. Possibly the funnest (stop spell checking that word!) 4 days of my life. Here we are playing “America’s Next Top Model” –be afraid of the birds and the amazing shirts Miriam made for us.

6. Miriam turned 23
7. I got married

8. Clemson beat FSU
9. Luke and Cassie got married. Notice the sign. Prophetic don’t you think?

10. I gave my orange bridesmaid’s dress to Goodwill
11. Murray turned 5
12. Spent a lot of time in Chapel Hill
13. We got a bigger fancy patio

4. Miriam’s parents got chickens. The most noteworthy thing on my list. See what happens when you leave your parents unsupervised. They do crazy things like raise chickens.

15. I have TMJ
16. Charlotte has worst draught on record. Here’s my plan to help.

17. I got my hair all cut off
18. Jenny Cartee Pottery featured at the Southern Christmas Show
19. There are no new episodes of The Office left.

Right now I’m just killing time until the 4 day weekend. Life has been pretty busy lately. I’m looking forward to some downtime.

i can see the future

2007-05-03T14:27:00.000-04:00

from my favorite website.

i predict this scene will play out in my living room with erik and murray everytime i go away on business.

dont blame the wine

2007-04-19T14:24:00.000-04:00

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame.Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."~ Jack Handy

on a recent business trip to san francisco, my co-workers and i put together our pennies, rented a limo and spent our free day exploring wine country. it was quite possibly the best use of 9 hours and $92. ever.

san fancisco was amazing. like my last visit i was in awe at every turn. the people of san fran are amazingly beautiful and unique. not unlike the cross dresser with a 5 o'clock shadow and short stretch velvet dress that emerged from walgreens with a HUGE stuffed teddy bear. she winked at me like she knew i was waiting in line to pay for the AA batteries my camera would have required to snap her picture.

in the meantime, here are a few pictures from the trip. the full album can be found on my flickr site. click on the badge in the profile box on the right side of the page.

this is from the "hearts" display in union square. a different heart designed by a different artists is featured on each corner.

you can't go to san francisco without riding the trolley. this is a very typical s.f. street.

they have funny signs in california.

i'm not really cool enough to hang out in places with such hip lighting, but it makes for a cool picture. more from "lime" on flickr.

this is wine country.

the best wine in the world. just ask my dad. that $65 bottle of chardonnay reserve goes down like butter.

the fun boys at dutch henry family winery liked us a lot. we told them we were the youngest female doctors in the country, they told they were all named gary and then they let us taste wine straight out of the barrel.

i'm so glad i found this information now...

2007-04-12T13:02:00.000-04:00

and to think, i was about to get married without having read this gem. someone please get me the full text!

first day of spring

2007-03-22T10:55:00.000-04:00

and this is how we celebrate here in Charlotte

sigh. tis the season, for sneezing, sniffing, itchy watery eyes and green and yellow cars. erik thinks that "since he's never had allergies before..." it wont bother him. welcome to the land of the blooming.

faster than a speeding bullet

2007-03-08T17:40:00.000-05:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		100%
Spider-Man		85%
Supergirl		67%
Wonder Woman		67%
Robin		60%
Green Lantern		55%
Batman		50%
The Flash		45%
Iron Man		25%
Hulk		20%
Catwoman		20%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

from the buckle of the bible belt

2007-02-28T10:16:00.000-05:00

so i thought things might get back to normal yesterday. finally, dad is able to mostly care for himself (except driving) so i'm at least living at my house now (for the first time in 24 days). the car is back from the doctors, and i got my hair did, about 2 months overdue (i can tell it must have been worse than i thought given the number of "wow, your hair looks so great today" comments i've received today). lovely.

i now measure the cost of EVERYTHING compared to its equivalent wedding cost.
tank of gas=1.5 wedding guest fed
chinese takeout=3 slices of wedding cake
car repair=2.3 chocolate fountains or 1.8 wedding dresses
can of diet coke=2 stamps (enough for 1 invitation)
hair cut and color (read:sanity)=deposit for d.j.
murray's overdue rabies vaccine=1 bridesmaids bouquet

the encouraging news is that if erik and i can continue this slightly above broke college student lifestyle for 4 years, we'll be in excellent financial shape for the rest of our lives. keep your fingers crossed he'll find a job.

yesterday a few nurses came back from lunch (mind you they've probably never left a 12 mile radius of the health department in their entire lives) and commented that "they're back!" excitedly. other veterans dashed out to see the spectacle outside of the grocery store with which we share a parking lot. girl scouts i thought, maybe even those people who stand outside to sell toys so that you can donate them to toys for tots. i shrugged, back to work, after all, i had poor decision makers to reform.

a few hours later as i made my way out to the car and noticed what can only be described as old time southern gospel (click to listen) blaring from speakers outside of bi-lo. i was befuddled. on my way out of the parking lot i drove the long way out to discover a middle aged man and wife (yep, her hair looks just like you'd imagine) singing with a full sound system and asking passers by if they knew jesus. a small crowd had parked their buggies and were enjoying the free concert followed by a brief invitation to join them for wednesday night service and covered dish dinner.

i laughed to myself. only here.

unfalling from the edge of the earth

2007-02-21T14:18:00.000-05:00

before i start, yes, i know the video below is staged. still funny i think. and bravo to the young actress for getting her start on youtube.

sorry i've been m.i.a. for a while. dad had emergency eye surgery a few weeks ago, and i basically gave up life as i know it for a few weeks to care for him. detached retinas are very serious. here's hoping pops is better very soon.

in case you haven't heard (kristinfriend), there is a salmonella outbreak. peanut butter, bad, very bad. working in public health, i get to be at the forefront for serious terrorist threats like this. i'd tell you to google it for more information, but all you'll find is advertisements for lawyers trying to get their 30% off your misfortune. where they there for 30% of the diarrhea? ok. just checking.

in the true spirit of project optimism, here is a short visual lesson, from a new favorite website.

and a short note, erica and joe had their baby, addison mae was born on valentine's day. ready? all together now... "aww".

I promise, promise, promise not to be that girl

2007-01-30T09:31:00.000-05:00

hehe

if i was pregnant...

2007-01-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

this would be the test that i would use. because im a sucker for marketing. in case you havent seen this commercial, pay particular attention around :18 seconds.

pure brilliance.

same old story of boy meets girl

2007-01-04T07:15:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been under a rock for the past week, guess what? I'm engaged! That's right, its official. Erik asked me to marry him. It was a total surprise. We'd talked marriage for a little while now, but I didn't expect a formal proposal or a ring for many, many months. So where to begin with this whole story...

In 1984 the Esch family, moved from their home in Minnesota to Ft. Lauderdale, FL. There, in middle school, Erik met a boy named Luke Adams who would become his life-long friend. As fate would have it, Luke moved to Charlotte, NC just before his senior year of high school. At his new school, Luke met an uber cool girl named Heather (that’s me). They quickly became very close friends. While no romantic relationship transpired, they kept in close contact while they went to different colleges. All the while, Erik and Luke also kept in touch, visiting each other regularly, it was only a matter of time until Erik and Heather's paths crossed. In early 2001, Erik and his friend Jenny (Ally) Kristofiak came to visit Luke at his first apartment. Of course, Luke invited me to town to show his friends around. Many drunken antics occurred. I observed Erik to be a very nice boy, but nothing particularly earth shaking.

Over the next few years, Luke and I visited Erik several times in Florida. In November, 2004, Luke and I traveled to south Florida for the Clemson/Miami football game. Luke and I stayed with Erik and his family. It wasn't but a few short hours into the trip that I decided that Erik was quite possibly the most adorable and sweet boy I'd ever met. Ludicrous amounts of flirting commenced. Even Luke and Jenny (at this point Kristofiak) noticed that Erik and I were sitting a little close, laughing kinda loud and generally paying a little more than causal attention to each other. Luke commented to me once on the way back to the car after seeing a movie "what? are you guys soul mates or something?" I told Luke I was in love. On the flight home, I told Luke I was going to marry Erik. He laughed and gave me the same "you're crazy" look I've seen many, many times.

The next two years I spent loving Erik from afar. I regularly sent him Christmas cards and stalked him through Luke and Jenny. I refered to him as "my sweet baboo". Word got out of my secret obsession, but Erik was always politely indifferent.

That was until late summer, 2006. Luke changed his cell phone number. One warm summer Friday afternoon, Erik called me to get Luke's new digits. After I finished jumping up and down and squealing with delight, I engaged Erik in a cool and casual conversation and eventually gave him the information for which he originally called. Erik asked if I was on myspace. Of course I was! And many times I already had searched for him. When I got home that night, I diligently searched every feasible combination of his relatively unique name. Finally, I gave in and called him (trying to be coy) and told him I couldn't find him. He gave me his new email address. And POOF! I had a new friend on myspace. Several days of witty-banter back and forth online, gave way to 6 hours a night on the phone. My heart fluttered with each email and text message. We still had no definition of a relationship. My nerves were getting the best of me. I over analyzed every conversation, consulted with Luke and Jenny for hidden meaning and suffered severe sleep deprivation. Until finally, Erik admitted that he didn't know what was going on with "us" but that he looked forward to talking to me everyday. I melted. A few weeks later I got a phone call from Erik asking me to do a favor for him. "Of course! Anything!" I said laying sweaty in my bed after coming back from the gym. He asked if I could come pick him up from the airport. AGHH!!! He flew up to surprise me! (Just 2 short weeks before his already planned trip up to visit Luke for his birthday. The weekend of a family reunion no less. He meant business. We were both head over heals for each other. The whirlwind romance continues. We spend as much time together as possible, since Erik still lives in Florida. Erik plans to move to North Carolina in May of this year.

Erik came to visit over the Christmas holiday. His flight on the night of the 22nd was delayed several hours. The morning of the 23rd we got up early to get ready for Christmas with my mom's family. When we came downstairs, I flipped on the Christmas tree lights and Erik asked "What’s that on your Christmas tree?" I couldn’t see what he was talking about. So he asked again and I was completely oblivious to the beautiful ring sitting right there tucked in a box on a limb right in front of my face. After about the third time I asked him "what?", he pointed at the box. I squealed! He got on one knee. I said yes. He shook like a leaf. It was magic. Then we sat on the couch and watched Saturday morning cartoons while I called family and close friends. My family was ecstatic! We left the next day for Minnesota to visit his family who was also very happy for both of us.

So here we are. Erik and I hope to get married in the fall of 2007 and looking forward to sharing a casual afternoon with the people we love.

by popular demand

2006-12-31T22:23:00.000-05:00

finally, a picture of us together. full holiday recap to follow.

i said yes

2006-12-23T17:50:00.000-05:00

I think this about sums it up. Details to follow.

i couldn't resist

2006-12-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

Happy Hoffidays!

really, you think?

2006-12-20T12:20:00.000-05:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(70% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(25% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

repent for the end is near

2006-12-08T17:39:00.000-05:00

i would just like to remind everyone that just a week ago it was nearly 80 degrees. and then, today, there is this silliness.
AND they say tonight, its going to get worse.
yes, the picture is crooked. i had a hard time navigating the steering wheel and the camera while wearing gloves.

eye candy

2006-12-04T20:23:00.000-05:00

isnt he cute?
sorry we still have no pictures of us together. we promise to do better at christmas. i went to florida to visit him the weekend before thanksgiving. unfortunately, i spent 70% of the weekend puking my brains out. we didnt get to do any of the fun things we had planned, but i finally saw the movie cars. he took very good care of me, and even bought me a purse to replace the one on which i puked. aww.

thanks to everyone for filling out my johari window. if you haven't yet, see the post below.

you wanted a new post

2006-12-03T07:49:00.000-05:00

ok, yes, i've been a slacker. dont i get any time off for thanksgiving? i mean, really. you might notice that even though i didnt make a new post, i did create a flickr account (seen to right). you can view some pictures from the price family thanksgiving up in the mountains at my mom's place. we had a good time.

for those who dont know yet, i'm taking a year off of my master's program because i got accepted to the southeastern public health leadership institute. its a really awesome program funded by the cdc (thats centers for disease control and prevention) and hosted by chapel hill. the first session is all next week (dec. 11-14), so i might be scarce. now i just have to convince my student loan company that this rigorous program is worth them allowing me to keep my loans in deferment for the year, well, and frankly i dont have the $400 a month right now, thanks for playing.

i know its not my most compelling post, but it is interactive! here's a fun way to burn a minute or two. fill out my johari window. you can be anonymous if you want. go ahead, tell me what you really think.

im off to the asheville for a conference today and monday at the grove park inn. peace out.

thats just the way it is

2006-11-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

yesterday on the long drive back from raleigh, i stopped to fill up the gas tank. attached to the b.p. station was this little jewel. it completely encapsulates american culture. for those who can't make a decision and for those who just want it all. i give you. KEN-TACO-HUT. thats right. its kfc, taco bell and pizza hut all in one place. AND a gas station.

duh

2006-11-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

it seems that i've sacrificed all my creative juices to online quizzes these days.

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract geeks! Your stunning intellect and love of sci-fi and video games allures the geeks like nothing else. Maybe it is the sparkle in your eye that makes them want to text you, who knows. Geeks make good partners, but tend to be arguementative. If you are a TRUE geek magnet, you will know if that was spelled correctly, and actually care. If it is a bad-boy/bad-girl you are seeking, you are barking up the wrong tree, unless they are just 'bad' behind a PS2 console.
You attract Yuppies!
You attract models!
You attract artsy people!
You attract rednecks!
You attract unstable people!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

UPDATE: 11/7/06 12.22pm
It seems that Amanda was having a hard time seeing the link. Try here.

And to answer your questions. No, I didnt notice the misspelling either, but I never claimed that to be a strong point, and yes, Erik is a self-admitted geek. And I, a self-admitted geek lover (even before Erik). I'm not particularly into video games, but have a secret love for all things Star Trek.

still crazy after all these years

2006-11-04T23:26:00.000-05:00

some things are always funny.

the chins are ALWAYS funny.
special thanks to kristin friend and jenny friend for a fabulous weekend!

creepy isn't it

2006-10-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

i love those silly online survey/games just as much as anyone. but sometimes they sort of freak me out a little. anyone who knows me will be able to pick out exactly what i'm talking about. take a look.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Golden Maximus
Your Superpower is Mind Reading
Your Weakness is Confrontation
Your Weapon is A Fairy Wand
Your Mode of Transportation is A Clown Car

What's your Superhero Name?

just a few flakes

2006-10-25T10:21:00.000-04:00

between the boy, football season and programming time at stonewall (hanging out with my beloved juvenile deliquents) things have been pretty busy. a short brush with bronchitis had me down for a few days, but now i'm back to juggling life. here are a few pictures i snapped with my camera phone over the past few days.

the 25 most exciting seconds in college football and the largest jumbo-tron in a college stadium. god its nice to be a tiger fan!

erik and i are learning to compromise.

sometimes i forget this is here. my co-worker carol snapped this shot one day after i realized i didnt have a single picture of it.

one last point. here is a fun blog i found recently. its great for people like me who like short bursts of wit throughout the day. enjoy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PROJECT OPTIMISM!

2006-10-18T10:49:00.000-04:00

yay! its been one year (and 10 days) since my very first post here on p.o. and i just noticed, this is my 100th post! amazing isn't it? this here little website (that sounds better if you read it with a slightly southern accent) has chronicled the past year in my life. and its been a real doozie for sure. a year ago, i didnt have a camera phone, i hated my job, i had major separation anxiety from miriam, i was depressed and single. i created project optimism initially to spread some optimistic energy around to some friends and hoped that what i knew in my head, would eventually trickle downstream into my heart. fake it till you make it, i always say. you never know when things will change. just like the weather. monday night it was 32 degrees and raining at home, today, sunny skies and 81 degrees. (this type of climatic change reeks havoc on my sinuses) just goes to show if there is anything that isn't going your way just right this minute, give it a little time. things will change. the inverse lesson is also just as important. if you're loving life right this minute, cherish it. make memories and be thankful, never taking for granted what you have. for it too, can change in an instant. it is this constant roller coaster that gets us out of bed every morning. that gives us hope for the future and appreciation for the now.

quote for the day: "i'm not in denial, i'm just selective about the reality i choose to accept"

better late than never

2006-10-11T19:28:00.000-04:00

ok, in my newfound slackness, here are some pictures from a short, but fabulous road trip to florida. dad and his buds went down early for their testosterone fest deep sea fishing trip. luke and i stayed with my life partner miriam (who, although was pulling for the wrong team, looked smokin' hott at the game). we drank a lot of beer. clemson won the football game. i think that about sums it up.

back my semi-popular demand

2006-10-05T09:17:00.000-04:00

i know, i know. i've read all (both) of your comments and emails. my adoring fans (all two of you). kristina and miriam, i know that both of you deserve more. and i hate that i have let you down. please accept my humblest apologies. so what's been going on the past errr... month or so?

yes, as if you didnt know, there is a man in my life. and no, its not murray, my dad or luke. you know, the usual suspects. for years i've fluctuated between bitter, yet empowered, independent woman and weeping, depressed, lonely spinster. especially after my life partner moved away to pursue her dream of law school (like i could let my selfish love for her stand in her way), i struggled with the depths of loneliness unlike anything i've ever known. i went off in angry tirades at many happily married friends who said obnoxious things like "it will happen when you least expect it". even still makes my skin crawl.

well, things are a little different now. about 2 months ago erik called me for luke's new phone number. you see, i've known erik for years, a childhood friend of luke, our paths crossed every few years or so. about 2 years ago luke and i went to miami for a football game and i developed a full out crush on the boy. while we got a long well just hanging out, he was otherwise completely disinterested. oh well. since august 11, things have snowballed beyond either of our belief. 7 hours a night on the phone of endless laughter arguing over who is the biggest geek, which star trek series is supreme and how to deal with people who take themselves too seriously led us both to believe that perhaps we've met our match. i had a long time ago given up on anything "magic" or even romantic. conceding that someone who wanted the same things in life and was willing merely to put up with me would have to be enough. i figured no one would ever find me beautiful, or laugh at my nacho cheese joke, much less, both. i was even sort of looking forward to my "i'm-30-and-still-single-so-fuck-you birthday party". i'm not calling off the birthday party just yet, but i'm going to hang on to the deposit for the band and tent rental for now. just until we see where things are heading. and i promise, i'm not moving to west palm beach. no way, my hair can't handle the humidity here, can you imagine the fro i'd have in florida?

speaking of birthdays. the cutest/craziest puppy in the whole world turned 4 last sunday and luke turns 28 today. my, my, my, they grow up so fast.

true humanity wears orange

2006-09-08T10:58:00.000-04:00

thank you miss coles for pointing out my slackness, (i'll write more about that later) and for your post featuring this touching article. GO TIGERS!

lay me down in a field of flame and heather

2006-08-30T08:49:00.000-04:00

last night i went to the counting crows concert with luke and his girlfriend cassie. it was amazing. the counting crows are one of those bands that i could listen to 24/7. from upbeat-happy to sexy-spiritual. it reminded me of my earlier years when a good praise chorus from the christian rock band, third day, could send me spiraling into a fit of singing, waving and crying. it might be the words that speak to my heart, it might be the loud, overwhelming music or the energy from the masses of people, with the counting crows, it was all 3. it was definitely a concert for the true fan. they steered away from their more popular radio played hits and played songs that only people who listened to the whole cd would know. luke and i sang every word and motioned to each other during funny lines that reminded us of each other like "we spent all day getting sober", something luke and i have had shared many times.

it was a little creepy that my ex, stephen was there. i haven't seen him in over 3 years. i never saw him, but he saw me, he said. he knew what i was wearing and where i was sitting, so he informed me via text messages. after a few polite declines to meet him at the beer stand, i just ignored him, not having the will to just tell him to fuck off as miriam suggested.

i just found out i have a 3 day weekend. hallefreakinglujah.

a very fun weekend in the atl

2006-08-28T20:43:00.000-04:00

besides the 4 hour ride with pops on the way down, during which i was forced to listen to rush limbald and various other forms of talk radio where old men yell at each other about minorities and football, i had a fabulous weekend in atl.
saturday morning we went for a fun filled trip to ikea. my ikea virginity. i bought a small assortment of kitchen accessories and several decorative pieces. it was a good time.
then we ate lunch at the varsity.

everyone had a good time.

dominic even got his own icecream cone.

d and i played yegos and bob the builder (notice the absence of a picture of me wearing fun yellow hard hat)

then we ate my birthday cake, 4 layers of chocolate cake, soaked in amaretto, layered with dark chocolate and stawberries soaked in chambord. and then more chocolate. it was yummy.

the end.

everybody needs a hobby

2006-08-24T10:52:00.000-04:00

and because i have the maturity of an 8 year old boy.

i find this wildy entertaining.

just for kicks

2006-08-23T08:59:00.000-04:00

Emily: married, with kid
Erica: married, pregnant
Kim: married, pregnant
Steven (cousin): married
Bekah: serious relationship, talking about marriage
Nate: married
Rio: married
Jenny: married
Amelia: married
Kristin: married
Celeste: married, 2 kiddos
Matt (ex): married, 2 kiddos
Jon (ex): married, kids?
Seth (ex): married
Stephen (ex): married twice
Amanda: married
Megan (co-worker): married, kid
Victoria (co-worker): engaged
Erin (co-worker): engaged
Becky (former jr. world saver): serious relationship
Kimi (former jr. world saver): engaged
Lauren Hill (former jr. world saver): married
Andrei (cousin): married to McCamy
Luke: serious relationship
Miriam: fabulously single
Me: ha!

conclusion... you're smart, you figure it out.

UPDATE: DISCLAIMER... dear friends, I do not define you (nor myself) by relationship status. i was merely making an observation/classification, for research purposes only. i love you all. (oh and yes, Kristina is also single, but if I included her and Carol, it throws off the punch line)

happy birthday miriam!

2006-08-15T08:53:00.000-04:00

today, we honor the birthday of my very dearest friend. through thick and thin, times of wealth and poverty, sickness and sanity. i can't believe that its been 8 years since we met, even though we weren't really friends at first. miriam lived above me in our humble dorm at g.dubb. it wasn't until the following year that we really became friends. back then, a six pack of beer could get us both shitty all weekend. the gym was ours to conquer every morning at 6:00 and rio and nate rounded out or inseparable foursome.

our junior year of college we bonded over psychosis. sometimes ours, incessant spying on the hot football players that lived downstairs. sometimes the illness belonged others like a narcissistic roommate or a hotheaded ex-boyfriend of mine. miriam was even attacked by a crazy goose, and suffered the loss of her favorite flip-flops.

just before our senior year of college we both turned 21. we learned a valuable lesson. a fifth of vodka didn't cost $20. she forgave me for barging in on what was almost a kiss from the man of her dreams. the year our closets were full of sequined halter tops and tight black pants, was the same year her feminist tirades really began to emerge.

i've hardly ever cried so hard as the day after we graduated and drove away from the place that brought us together, wondering if we'd make good on the promises to visit and call often. it was only a few months until my begging convinced miriam to come live in charlotte with us (luke, luke, and i). four people in that apartment was way too many, but boy, rent was cheap and living was good. that year, the girl who had been home-schooled nearly her entire life, took a job teaching public high school. we laughed and cried and she gave indignant speeches solving all the worlds problems while we stayed up until after 2 am making christmas candy bags for her 140 students.

the next 2 years miriam and i lived together, just the two of us. the true test of friendship. neither one of us having the ovaries to be particularly confrontational, we solved our problems the way all strong women do, we sent a few emails and pretended it never happened. and granted, mims isn't the cleanest person i've ever known, but i've seen her spare a bugs life and set it outside to freedom, carry a lost box turtle from the middle of the road down to the creek and even rescue flies from drowning in the swimming pool. she bravely took on a roach after i locked them in the bathroom together. she solves all of the worlds problems like republicanism, war, poverty, hunger and men over a cup of fat free, sugar free hot chocolate. i love that she makes cd playlists with showtunes, metallica and tupac. i'm afraid i'm often a disappointment to her when she's looking for a good argument. while we don't always agree, i've never known anyone with more conviction for what she does believe. she's too humble to admit it, but she's touched hundreds, probably thousands of lives. her brilliant mind should be advising the world's top leaders, but she's dedicated years as a public servant, teaching public high school and spent two summers volunteering her time to provide free legal help to society's downtrodden.

i consider her special brand of philosophy--compassionate feminism with cleavage. i have no doubt that one day she'll ban meat from the white house while wearing a low cut pink t-shirt and flip-flops. and i'll still be so proud to call her my friend.

happy 22nd birthday pookie.

(pictures to follow, blogger isnt cooperating right now)

destin, by camera phone

2006-08-10T17:50:00.000-04:00

exhausted. suburned. broke. but i finally got all of the sand out of my bathing suit.

here are a few pictures, from my camera phone, i havent downloaded the digital camera yet. more to follow.

leave a message at the beep

2006-08-04T09:44:00.000-04:00

this afternoon miriam and i are off to florida. a quick stop in tally to help mims pack, and then we plan on spending a whole lot of time doing nothing in destin, fl.
thats a picture, a real life picture. not digitally or color-enhanced. the sand is pure white quartz and the water is clear. its nickname, the emerald coast is well earned. dont be jealous. do send love.

riddle me this

2006-08-02T09:23:00.000-04:00

its no secret that i'm not cool. my lack of knowledge of pop-culture, my love of npr and my complete disregard for fashion often lend me to being an outsider. maybe i'm just too overrun with logic to care. i wont spend $80 on a purse, period. now, every red (and blue) blooded american female seems to own a fancy vera bradley something. since these handmade-looking, quilted bags and purses hit the scene, i have been baffled as to their appeal. as any good church going southern girl can tell you, they look just like those hand-quilted bible covers your grandmother made and gave you for your 8th birthday. personally, i think that vera bradley must have grown up a good southern baptist. she got a good deal on all the left over quilted-bible-cover-making material, made a few purses, sent them to a few hollywood socialites (who obviously did not grow up good southern church goers), and voila! instant fashion trend. everytime i see someone carrying one, i want to ask them if they keep their precious moments bible in there. you tell me.
vera bradley

bible covers

birthday update

2006-08-01T14:27:00.000-04:00

am i old enough to retire yet? this working stuff is the pits!

thursday night i went out with mims and a few friends from work to see simplified play at hickory tavern (i know! up past 9pm on a week night! who knew?!?!) clee (simplified's lead singer) bought me a shot after the first set and asked what luke and i were doing friday night. (friday being both mine and clee's birthday. woo hoo!) i told him pops was taking us (plus miriam and jenny) out for dinner and after that we didnt have plans. he insisted we hang out with the boys at the press box. ironically, this dive was around when my grandparents were dating. how cute. friday night we listened to a two man band, named "three", (dont ask), had a few drinks and enjoyed an evening outside with friends.

another year wiser

2006-07-28T13:20:00.000-04:00

my dad called: "just checking to see how you're doing. you're on the downhill slide towards 50 now"

me yesterday (age, 25)

me today (age, 26)

too much time on our hands

2006-07-25T10:37:00.000-04:00

it doesnt happen often, but sometimes clinic is a little slow. recently, it was one of those days. becky is leaving and moving to hong kong. the poor girl is going crazy because her husband has been there for 3 months. anyway, this is what happens when a communicable disease nurse, an hiv case manager and myself have access to plastic penises and too much time on our hands.

i'm going to miss becky. notice my cleverness in staying behind the camera [phone].

I MET MO ROCCA!

2006-07-20T23:30:00.000-04:00

this is quite possibly the most hideous picture of me ever taken, but you get the point. miriam says i have "ovaries of steel". i think even she was quite embarrassed. i had no problem begging the head usher to get us better seats, asking the sound manager to give a note to mo, or shouting out infront of almost 3,000 people that i made AND was wearing a t-shirt that says "MO, you ROCCA my world!" to which paula poundstone replied, "how could i confuse this place with charleston, you guys are sooo much classier"
thanks to wfae, npr and of course "wait wait dont tell me" for making this happen.

yes, i'm a geek.

UPDATE: 07/21/06 8:50am
ok, now that i've had a little sleep and the geeked out adrenaline has worn off a little, i thought i might be able to put together a few more thoughts. so yes, miriam and i went to a live recording of npr's radio news quiz show, wait wait don't tell me. we hadnt even got out of the parking deck when wfae staff (local npr affiliate) noticed and complimented our homemade t-shirts. we stuck out in the sea of maturely dressed, public radio listeners. our tickets were for the 3rd row in the top balcony, not exactly primo. i guess years of working with needy people has taught me that you might as well ask for what you want, the worst thing that can happen is you end up with what you have. its only up from here! (an example of how this works: i begged my way onto oversold flights for nate's wedding). after i charmed the head usher into giving us the unsold "hold" seats on the floor, we made our way up to the stage where our FABULOUS t-shirts got the attention of one very kind sound engineer. feeling not at all shy, i asked if there was anyway we could get on stage for a picture with mo, and he looked around and offered me a notebad on which i quickly scribbled a note to mo. he promised to pass him the note before the show. the show went on, we laughed at all of the politically incorrect humor, cheered as the cast made fun of and complimented the south, and miriam even let out a token "OW! OW!". after the show, they had an open mic for audience members to ask questions. i jumped up and down waving my arms, begging for carl kasell's attention. miriam slumped in her seat with embarrassment. my inner-dork would not rest! alas, i made ourselves known to the crowd. the erupted with applause and laughter as i read our shirts aloud to the crowd of 3,000. and i got my wish, we met mo rocca, carl kasell and paula poundstone!

as we walked out of blumenthal on the greatest adrenaline buzz ever, the very kind sound engineer came up to us and asked if we got to meet mo. he said he had given him the note before the show, and mo was very cool about it and definitely flattered. mo said "if anyone asks me what charlotte was like, i can honestly say, they have a lot of love". and we do, we really do.

"if we were gay, we would tell you"

2006-07-17T17:16:00.000-04:00

contrary to popular (e.g. weird neighbor guy and t-nat) belief, miriam and i are not gay. and today she sent me this article about another fabulous female duo that had to answer the same question. so what if two very attractive, single, educated, and not to mention wildly entertaining women decide to spend their every waking minute eating blueberries and sushi and watching brokeback mountain, together? if we were gay we would be prancing around telling everyone. i would probably even give in and wear a pink shirt that announced so.

*thanks to oprah for the quote in the title

moe money? no problem!

2006-07-14T11:13:00.000-04:00

i can hardly believe my good fortune lately. i have several times referenced my favorite burrito joint. just a short year ago, there was only one in the q.c. now, there is one just blocks from my not-so-new place of employment, and two, that's right DOS within 3 miles of mi casa. (ok granted that's not as overdone as the 5 chick-fil-a's in the same radius, but still).

life is good.

next thursday night, i have a date with mo rocca. dont.be.jealous. well, actually i have a date with tlmc and t-nat (aka boycott boy). i'll have to sit in between them so they don't argue all night. we're going to see a live recording of "wait! wait! don't tell me!". i know, we're the coolest kids in town. tlmc and i are considering making "i heart mo" signs and t-shirts, we want to get on stage. well actually tlmc wanted to throw her panties on stage. she's crazy.

shameless plug.

thats right, t-nat has a book out! i'm very excited for him. i was totally an insider on this project from the beginning. (i was even consulted for the cover artwork and author bio picture. tee didnt like my idea for either). i'm not smart enough to provide a true literary critique. i have the same opinion i do for books, movies, poems, and music. i like what i like. i'm just not deep enough to say anything else. but its super. i definitely recommend it. the way i see it, you have two choices, you can either order your own copy or wait till i send you one for christmas. (but you know how slow christmas is). so don't wait, order yours today!

and it wasn't even snowing

2006-07-05T10:47:00.000-04:00

my trip to michigan, plagued with cancelled, delayed and missed flights, midnight to 4am drives through the middle of nowhere left me completely exhausted and yet re-energized with optimism. i spent hours in a sobbing heap in airports from the q.c. to detroit rock city (and all points in between). should you ever find yourself in desperate need of a favor from a airline staff, i find that tears and sweet southern charm will get you bumped up in the stand-by line much faster than fits of anger (just ask the other passengers who weren't as charming as i).

i made it to tussin michigan, the site of the wedding at 4am, just 4 short hours before the wedding. nate and erin had found out just days before their wedding that their photographer wasn't going to be able to come, and i was inspired by their calm and optimistic attitude. they said "we're going to get married, spend time with the people we love, photographer or not". this is why these kids are going to make it.

as the groom's official "attendant of honor" i sobbed nearly the entire ceremony. except when the early morning heat and humidity (in michigan, who knew!?!) kept nate from getting his wedding band on, and i burst right out in hardy laughter through tears. the priest turned and said "its ok, we know you're tired".

that afternoon, we changed into shorts and bathing suits and spent the afternoon and evening and the rest of the weekend for that matter, boating, canoeing and playing on lake michigan. after about my fourth beer sunday night, i hugged nate and we shared a short and heartfelt conversation about how much we cared for each other. my heart spent several of its college years pining after him, but settled for a deep and meaningful friendship. his strong hug and gentle tone acknowledged that we had done a lot of growing up together and how thankful we were each for the other, as friends. i told him how happy i am for him and erin, and know that they are perfect for each other. and i meant it. it was a little like closure and a little like a new start. nate is one of those friends that i know i may go years without seeing, especially when he and erin start the peace corps next year, but i know, when we do see each other again, it will be like nothing has changed.

in the meantime, i am ecstatic to have mims home. its just like old times. staying up too late talking about boys, vowing to lose 20 pounds by our end of summer beach trip, solving the world's problems sitting on the longest.couch.ever. and shh... i even sorta missed her messes.

oh so somehow, i got handed the job of photographer. stop.laughing. ok, so maybe michigan isn't so bad after all.

upswing

2006-06-29T15:59:00.000-04:00

i didnt technically finish the oreos, but i'm sure mims will finish them. because she's a good person and trying to save me from myself. and she will be here in just a few hours! i'm so excited, i can't stand it.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for michigan for nate and erin's wedding. i know. another wedding. go figure. i'm very excited about this one. even if it is at 8am. those silly hippies. supposedly there is no cell phone signal or internet access up in the wilderness where the wedding is, so until then faithful readers.

post.wedding.depression.

2006-06-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

3 weeks ago, yesterday, next saturday. then i think im set until september. so many weddings. yesterday was luke's little brother's wedding. aaron and sunny are very cute. the wedding was short, personal and very informal. there was a lot of laughing and the crowd erupted into loud cheers as the newlyweds left the ceremony. it was great to see old high school friends and luke's family. it was however, a little awkward to babysit his girlfriend. usually i can count on luke to be my unattached date, we can quietly snark over free booze and sometimes he'd even let me drag him out on the dance floor. instead, i danced with luke's dad and the 4 year old ring bearer (he was a red-head, he didnt stand a chance).

so i was the oldest single gal out there to catch the bouquet. its like my loneliness was closing in on me from all angles. i graciously said my good-byes after the bride and groom left, slouched in the passat so no one would see me crying on the way home. its not even that i want to married, but with so many of my friends married, its hard sometimes. i'm just lonely living alone doesnt help either. if one more person tells me "it will happen when you least expect it" i think i might scream. i know this little project of mine is called optimism, but sometimes i cant help but look in the mirror and wonder what is wrong. i'm not a size 2, i dont put out on a first date and yeah, i have opinions about stuff. does that mean i'm unheartable?

thank god tlmc will be here soon.

but its the humidity that gets ya

2006-06-23T08:57:00.000-04:00

dash of the vw. charlotte, nc. circa~06.22.06 2:32pm

the hook brings you back

2006-06-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

yesterday started out kind of rough. clinic was swamped. i pre-test counseled nearly a dozen people before lunch. several particularly sad cases, recovering heroine user (4 days clean--he came over from detox), 22, with 2 kids, wife left him and he was a cutter. nice guy, sad story.

i knew i had a middle school gig in the afternoon, i treated myself to moe's for lunch, i was in serious need of a pick-me-up and nothing says lovin' like a joey bag of donuts with fresh jalapenos.

i love working with the middle school kids, because when im making a list of body fluids, we say words like poo and snot. the teacher that schedules me for TRAIL (taking responsible actions in life) calls my "HIV 101" class, "a stand-up comedy routine". i like making the kids laugh, and i think they actually learn something.

after work i headed to gastonia to meet jenny, of "yay for jenny cartee pottery!" to pick up nate and erin's dishes. they registered for a whole set of fun jenny cartee pottery. some lucky friends are going to haul it up to michigan next week for their wedding.

on the way home i was jammin' out to my fancy cd from fancy celeste for winning the it pays to pay attention competition. as the sun set over my left shoulder and the temperature cooled to 87 degrees, i rolled down the windows, opened the sunroof and sang with my tone deaf self. i thought about how excited i am that miriam is coming to see me next week (and staying for a whole month!), how fun nate's wedding and weekend of fun on the u.p. will be, and how much i like jenny cartee and her fancy pottery. i pondered jenny's explanation of my fascination with all things star-like (she just read the da vinci code). i was definitely in a lala sing-along-with-the-instrumental-version-of-its-a-wonderful-world mood. and then i noticed a bright red billboard around the freedom drive exit. in simple white letters it said

"i pooted".

i laughed so hard i snorted. really.

a poster girl with no poster

2006-06-17T21:00:00.000-04:00

most of you have never seen this. but sometimes, when its so hot, the very thought of turning on the hair dryer could cause spontaneous combustion, i opt instead to let my hair do its own thing. and this is what happens.now usually, i touch it up with a little product, you know, to keep the frizz down, but this is completely natural.

a special thank you to the international eye candy provided by the world cup on espn 2 this morning, that kept me motivated for a near 2 hours of cardio.

tomorrow is father's day. i love you pops.

you'll see

2006-06-16T08:11:00.000-04:00

this is why i love her.

happy friday.

something about soccer

2006-06-13T21:50:00.000-04:00

so fancy celeste has another fun contest. its too late to submit entries. sorry. i, of course, know very little about soccer, well except for what tee taught me. i'm not ashamed to say that i chose my favorite teams based on best use of cheese in cuisine.

ole'! bravo!

crack is whack!

2006-06-06T08:50:00.000-04:00

we all have those little vices that sneak into our lives unexpectedly and render our willpower completely useless.

a few weeks ago, fancy celeste, mr. yuke, the kruegercelli's and i found ourselves victimized by the little morsels of heaven from chick-fil-a. after the fancy derby party, under the guise of "cleaning" the five of us devoured (what felt like) several thousand chick-fil-a nuggets (which were part of the kiddos buffet table)

"they're addictive" said fancy celeste
"make it stop" said miss lisa
"what do you think they put in them to make them so good?" asked mr. yuke
"CRACK!", shouted i.
thus, the crack-nuggets were named. giggles perpetuated by derby day delights were muffled only long enough to shove the next crack-nuggets in our mouths.

so what is your crack?

made in the shade

2006-05-31T18:42:00.000-04:00

i wish i got to go to hilton head with dominic and mr. yuke. here they are kicking back some cold ones after playing with yegos on the beach.

wedding palalala

2006-05-30T19:43:00.000-04:00

the story of a wedding weekend as told through grandmother's snarky comments.

"your hair looks like crap! when is going to go back to normal?"--to elena, sister of the groom and jr. bridesmaid. elena had attempted to home highlight her hair.

"you need to control your children, they're eating all the shrimp! other people have to eat too you know."--at the rehearsal dinner, to the pastor who was to perform the ceremony.

"i'm the grandmother! bring me more champagne!"--to the waiter at the rehearsal dinner.

"[jesus], please help heather to not make smart ass comments"--to me after thanking grandmother for putting down her cigarette long enough for the family prayer before lunch.

"what's the story with that cream colored sash? is she trying to make up for wearing a white dress?"--to the mother of the groom (my aunt jennifer) because the bride was wearing a white dress with a beige sash. enough said.

"i have the best looking family, dont you think?"--to the photographer, as the groom's family walked up for pictures (all 35 of us) as the bride's family sat back down.

"hope you stay around for a while, or this could be embarrassing"--to cousin sloan's new girlfriend from charleston who somehow got in the family pictures.

"sally had gas last night, she thought she was having another heart attack"--pleasant reception conversation with myself and uber yuppie family from kiawah (see steven ellis).

*in a particularly annoyed voice* "they left me off of the 'in memory of our grandparents' dedication on the back of the program!"--after noticing that her ex-husband was mentioned on the back of the program, i then casually pointed out that she was listed "on the inside, because she was alive"

"i love y'all, but im ready for you to go home so i can sit on my couch in my pajamas and drink me some brandy"--to the family as everyone was leaving after lunch on sunday.

and these are only the ones i was around to hear. i love my grandmother.

other points to note for the weekend.
big tulip popular fell down in my back yard as i was getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. bummer.

i forgot to take my camera to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding (wedding pictures from the photographer will be posted online this weekend).

bridezilla threw a fit at the salon where the bridal party was getting her hair done. she was mad because two of the bridemaids' hair looked too much like hers. she started crying and then of course, demanded to have her makeup redone too.

uber yuppie cousins in kiawah invited me to come visit them (definitely making plans for a free vacation).

and for the record, murray seems to be doing much better. keep your fingers crossed for solid poop (today is his first day off medicine).

wanted

2006-05-25T18:59:00.000-04:00

date for this wedding weekend
must be willing to dress up, smile and make polite conversation with guests
and engage in snarky banter about bridezilla with feisty family matriarch

i did promise my aunt jennifer (her son is marrying bridezilla) that i would "be nice" and also that i would have a flask on hand for when she needed it. she was thankful. at least there's booze at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. oh and in case you didnt already know, i dropped out of the wedding. the $300 bridesmaid dress wasnt returnable, so look for it on ebay soon.

a recipe

2006-05-24T20:12:00.001-04:00

take one heart
still bleeding
add vodka
shake
serve in a chilled glass
at dusk on a warm weekday in may

the race fans cometh

2006-05-19T10:41:00.000-04:00

the message boards over the interstate have been warning us for weeks now: "PREPARE FOR HEAVY TRAFFIC MAY 19-29. EXPECT DELAYS". or as we locals have come to interpret it "do not under any circumstances attempt to buy gas, go to walmart, eat out or leave your home". race week is upon us. for 10 long days the population of the charlotte-metrolina area increases by nearly half a million people. people come from all over the country, world for this. the first signs of impending doom sprouted yesterday. a replica race car was parked outside a local grocery store for pictures and yesterday on my way home from dinner at brixx, i was victimized by a mini-van from pennsylvania that read "charlotte or bust". as traffic crawled down the interstate, a likely intoxicated race fan hung out the window with a hand written sign "call me ...###-###-####". he was screaming "hey sexy! you going to the race? i got an extra ticket. call me!"

and so it begins. the epicenter of race activity is exactly halfway between work and home. my humble commute doubled this morning but a refreshing email from the health director encouraged non-clinical staff to work from home or flex their time when possible. this is good news.

i plan to do nothing this weekend but take care of the pup, maybe watch a different race and relive some derby party magic.

poor pooch

2006-05-18T09:34:00.000-04:00

so its back to the doctor for murray. poor guy hasn't been himself for 2 weeks now. he's been struggling with "stomach issues". we've been through 2 rounds of antibiotics, x-rays (no more kong toys stuck in there), a thorough de-worming, a low residue diet, and now we're waiting on the blood work. last night i slept on the couch and took the pup out to potty no less than a dozen times between 6pm and 6am. besides not eating this morning, he's acting like his normal murray self. i hope they figure out what is wrong with him, and soon. not only am i exhausted, this little trick is costing me a fortune.

coolness

2006-05-15T09:25:00.000-04:00

check out my fancy word cloud. you can make your own here.

mom

2006-05-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

today is mother's day. i won't see my mom today. but i sent her two mother's day cards (one was disguised as being 'from the dog'). most of you know that my mom and i have a very um... unique relationship. in the past 15 years its fluctuated greatly from separation and indifference to supportive and endearing. i think my mom is a neat person (not always the best decision maker), but she has qualities i admire. although she'd never call herself such, my mother is quite liberated. she rode motorcycles, flew planes, went scuba diving and even was the first female disc jockey of south carolina. she played the trumpet and the baritone. she spent her summer's in mexico as a teenager, instead of teaching sunday school, she signed up for the manual labor, building schools and hospitals. she's chained up bulldozers for plowing the wetlands and made demanding phone calls to corporations she felt had done wrong by the consumer. she's rescued puppies and met martha stewart. when i had my first boyfriend she would let us stay in the living room all by ourselves and would give a warning knock on the wall before she came back in the room. she thought me how to use power tools and gave me a tool box for my high school graduation (laugh, but i still use that stuff today). she coached my high school softball team. she's beat breast cancer and heart disease. the day i moved out of my college apartment, she taught my roommates and i how to open beer bottles by popping them on the edge of the counter.we dont have long mushy heart-to-heart conversations. we've never done a mother-daughter shopping trip. we don't "do lunch" and she probably won't care at all what i plan for my wedding. when i turned 22 she left me a message saying "happy 24th birthday sweetheart".

i love and appreciate my mom for sharing with me her sense of independence and freespirit. for allowing me to make my own decisions and for teaching me the practical stuff. i think the moment my mom was most proud of me was when i called her on the way home from lowe's telling her i had just bought my first power drill. i love that.

happy mother's day, mom.

seeing pink

2006-05-11T08:51:00.000-04:00

have you noticed that pink is everywhere? the susan g. komen foundation is pure genius. just when you thought that bracelets and ribbons had topped out, pink is taking over the world. now pink bats for the big leagues!

don't get me wrong, i'm not hating. i've done my walk for the cure, several times. my mom, she's a survivor, and i'm very thankful. but this is just pink mania!

on a side note, this fun article was on the slate yesterday. and more importantly was a fun link to these fun products. and they say the world is getting too politically correct.

pfft.

on the fly

2006-05-09T15:38:00.000-04:00

i haven't posted in a few days.

note new picture of amanda in last post.

there was a derby party in atl this past weekend.
i went.
it was fun.
i left my camera at the kruegercelli house.

i have finals this week.
and a big paper due on wednesday.
i'll resume posting and aim/ym/msn after said final and paper are complete.

i'll post pictures from the derby party when my camera arrives.

tlmc is coming to visit this weekend. *woot*

later

cinco and such--updated

2006-05-05T10:57:00.000-04:00

tonight my favorite band is playing at my favorite restaurant on my favorite holiday. can you believe it? unfortunately, i wont be able to make it. i'm heading to atl for the fancy derby party. i'm going very a'la julia roberts goes to the polo match. brown and white duds and a fancy hat--isn't that the whole point of a fancy derby party anyway?--the hat! oh well and the booze too.

yesterday i had a very entertaining conversation with amanda (boles) kragel. a dear friend from g-dubb. she happens to be one of the most naturally funny people i know. which surprises me, as she pointed out, that i have never mentioned her on my blog (even though she's commented once or twice). amanda is beautiful. she looks like barbie, tall, thin, long blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes. she's really tall. i come up to her mid calf i think. amanda has a slight tendency to freak out, nothing ever serious, but this one incident, particularly amusing (there were two "freak-outs" yesterday, but no one wants to read about amanda's student loans). amanda was in a retail establishment attempting to purchase some lingerie. amanda (who has the body of a goddess), was walking around said retail establishment trying to get up the courage to go up to the counter and actually pay for her selections. amanda admits that 95% of her underwear drawer is cotton articles from walmart and sports bras. in her very excitable (read:fast talker), low, southern voice she says "i'm waiting to see which one of these girls is going to be the least judgmental. you know so i don't have to say 'oh i'm buying this for a special night with my husband' i don't want them to think i have sex for work or anything" amanda then revealed how she has this idea that i have drawers full of wonderful matching sets and sexy little outfits. she has a very romanticized idea about my life no doubt. amanda thinks i live like a character from sex in the city. as a matter of fact on one of her last visits here she stared out the window as we drove around uptown q.c. and she said she felt like babe, pig in the city, "look at all the people and the pretty lights" she said. upon visiting one of the local malls she said "holy shit! you have valet parking at the mall?!?!".

amanda is from rural kentucky (read: she grew up on a farm, with cows). but she's very intelligent, just slightly naive. in a public display of poor judgment on my part, i gave a drunken toast at her wedding that included a donkey and several sexual innuendos. fortunately, the rest of the crowd (mostly from tennessee and kentucky) was pretty drunk too and they all laughed and applauded. the highlight of that evening may have been when tlmc and i were riding the drunk bus back to the hotel in downtown knoxville, and in a drunken loud voice she said "i feel like we're in deliverance!"

fighting ignorance and disease

2006-05-03T09:29:00.000-04:00

most of my post are lighthearted. i tend to stay away from heavy rants, i'll leave that to the professional. so this is more of a public service announcement. for the past few years i've been working around the issues of hiv and aids. i try not to overwhelm friends and readers with political messages or bash them over the head with facts and scare tactics (ok with the exception of the std picture flip book by which some of you have been victimized). i do just want to make a short plug for a feature presentation that frontline, pbs has put together. watch the preview. then watch the show, may 30 & 31. and if anyone has tivo or a dvr, please record it for me. better yet, if anyone can put it on a dvd for me. i'll be your bff (unless i already am, then just do it because you heart me). 1 out of every 370 people in the u.s. is hiv positive
1 out of 3 of hiv positive people don't know their status.
take the test. take control.
fight ignorance and disease.

<-- junkie

2006-05-02T13:49:00.000-04:00

its no secret that i have a more than slight addiction to burt's bees lip balm. i discovered this little morsel from heaven a few years ago and since then haven't been without. i typically have about 3 active tubes at any given time. one for my purse, one for the office, and one in my bathroom drawer. pretty much the only thing that makes me grumpy is having chapped lips. the one in the bathroom has been below the plastic rim for weeks now. i've managed to get by thanks to the close proximity to the q-tips and lip brushes. allowing me to dig the goodness out of the tube. the ones at work and in my purse have been struggling along for a few days (seen at left). lowes foods, hallmark and the teet near my house were all out. fortunately jr. world saver becky informed me today at lunch that the teet by the office was in great supply. and now so am i (right).

more than you care to know... part infinity.

2006-04-28T18:14:00.000-04:00

<-- poached from fancy celeste.

1. first name? yes. oh you mean what is it? heather

2. were you named after anyone? my middle name (elizabeth) is shared by women on my maternal and paternal side. but the heather part, thats original.

3. when did you last cry? wow, thanks to zoloft, its been a while.

4. do you like your handwriting? sure

5. what is your favorite lunchmeat? anything in a moe's burrito

6. kids? god i hope not, or i mean, not yet. tlmc and i almost adopted a little foster kid off the news one night.

7. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? of course

8. do you have a journal? a little project called optimism

9. do you use sarcasm a lot? who me? never

10. do you still have your tonsils? yes

11. would you bungee jump? sure

12. what is your favorite cereal? honey nut cheerios

13. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? sometimes

14. do you think you are strong? i have my moments

15. what is your favorite ice cream flavor? me <-- not so much an ice cream fan

16. shoe size? 8.5ish

17. red or pink? red.

18. what is your least favorite thing about yourself? my forehead

19. who do you miss the most? pookie!

20. do you want everyone to send this back to you? I WANT COMMENTS!!!

21. what color pants and shoes are you wearing? eek! me <-- currently not wearing pants or shoes!

22. last thing you ate? fancy price's chicken coop

23. what are you listening to right now? loud birds outside

24. if you were a crayon, what color would you be? orange

25. favorite smell? the smell of fresh laundry on a boy

26. who was the last person you talked to on the phone? little amelia

27. the first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? smile

28. do you like the person who sent this to you? me <-- has crush on fancy celeste

29. favorite drink? alcoholic: margarita. virgin: sweet tea.

30. favorite sport? to watch: college football. to play: mind games.

31. eye color? poo

32. hat size? i did have the biggest cap size of my graduating high school class (ok so it was only 22 people so shoot me)

33. do you wear contacts? me <-- has fancy 20/15 vision

34. favorite food? mexican!

35. scary movies or happy ending? happy ending (still waiting on mine)

36. last movie you watched at the movies? the inside man

37. what color shirt are you wearing? green

38. summer or winter? um, i pick fall. so there.

39. hugs or kisses? me <-- famous for hugging, but i dont turn down either.

40. favorite dessert? chocolate anything.

41. what books are you reading? this page turner

42. what's on your mouse pad? fancy picture of tlmc and murray playing on my bed.

43. what did you watch on t.v. last night? emeril live on food network.

44. favorite sounds? ocean, laughter.

45. rolling stones or beatles? beatles

46. the furthest you've been from home? hawai'i

47. what's your special talent? being tone deaf.

48. when and where were you born? 5:57pm, presbyterian hospital, charlotte, nc.

49. who sent this to you? poached from fancy celeste.

self portrait a la camera phone

2006-04-28T08:05:00.000-04:00

i'm obviously no where near as good at taking pictures of myself as fancy celeste, but i thought "practice makes perfect" right? hmm... this shot was just after getting my fancy hair cut. i'm not really sure what happened to the rest of my facial features. maybe i shouldnt be using 12 crest white strips a day.

the highlight of my day...errr.. night:
1:26am *phone rings*
me: "hello?"
mims (clearly inebriated): "HEY!"
me: "hey whats up?"
mims: "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: "oh, well, i was sleeping"
mims: "oh, well thats good. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: (sleepy laugh) "ha, i was sleeping, what are YOU doing?"
mims: "oh im out having a drink after my exam. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: "umm..."
mims: "oh thats right, sleeping. i was thinking about yooouuuu! i miss yooooouuuu! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!"
me: "i got my hair cut today"
mims (now more giggly): "awww... i bet its cute! i bet its short, but not too short and red but not too red"
me: "yeah, pretty much, im so predictable"
[short conversation about her pa]
mims: "ok well i was thinking about yooooouuuu! i miss you pookie!"
me: "i miss you too, good luck on the rest of your exams"
mims: "ok well go back to sleep."
me: "good night"

i love that girl.

<-- will never complain about the weather again

2006-04-27T09:23:00.000-04:00

delhi, india:
Widespread Dust
108°F
Feels like: 104°F

charlotte, north carolina, usa:
Heavy Rain
54°F
Feels like: 54°F

gawd.

saturday, in the park ♪

2006-04-24T11:30:00.000-04:00

i know its been a while since i posted. last week was sort of hellacious. my work week (even though it ended at 1:30pm on friday) still consisted of 53 hours. needless to say, i was exhausted.

so this weekend i headed down to atl. nate (a good friend from g-dubb) was in town for rio's wedding. i haven't seen him in a year and a half and since i'm going to his wedding in michigan this summer, i thought it would be a good chance to catch up. saturday morning i met him at his swank hotel in buckhead and we had breakfast. after i dropped him off, i hit tjmaxx and dsw to shop for a fancy derby party hat and shoes. silly celeste decided to go for a run. pffft. i eventually met up with fancy celeste and her two fancy-ish kiddos, affectionately, drag and drama. after a fancy tour of casa pout and a mini-gorge fest at moe's (drag fell to my influence when he got to pick where we were going for lunch, drama was in timeout wearing his darth vader mask). then i got to meet fancy ej. *grin* she was every bit as lovely and chipper as i imagined. we hugged (because we're the hugging type) and she called me "q.c." i love how the internet is bringing people together. ej has a fancy house, and tried to convince me to buy the one next door so she could mentor me through the remodeling process. silly world saver salary probably won't cut it. maybe if i ever get a fancy hott handy-man/husband type???...
back to casa pout to pay jason the painter (ok and spend 3 minutes gawking at his hottness) and then it was off to lemonade days a fun arts and craft show along side a kiddie carnival at brook run park in dunwoody. here are a few pictures i took of the fun afternoon. there was much ride riding, playing and general being hotness (like the oven, not like celeste--that's with 2 t's). oh and then there was the whining.

and the pouting, don't forget the pouting! it was quite a fun afternoon. celeste and i intended to relax without the jimmies and with some adult beverages that evening. she however went to bed, and i vegged out on the couch and the petro-krueger house with pizza and some cabernet.

sunday morning i met nate again for breakfast and rode with him on fancy marta to the airport. after the long drive back to the q.c., i picked murray up from daycare and spent the rest of my sunday trying to uploaded the pictures from the weekend. its a total fluke there aren't any pictures of me, or more importantly me and celeste. we'll work on that.

come away ♪

2006-04-17T09:28:00.000-04:00

start by clicking here for the soundtrack to this post*

i love a three day weekend. friday i was able to do all of the productive stuff, you know, laundry, cleaning, bill paying. friday night i went out with jennifer (potential new roommate). it was interesting. she and i have very little in common. after dinner at brixx, we went to a new bar downtown called cans. we met up with some of her “not really cool, but loaded guy friends” self-proclaimedly to score free drinks. she insisted on leaving before they started to expect social interaction in exchange for gifts of adult beverages. after hopping around to a few other places, we ended up at latorre’s on my recommendation for a little latin dancing. while she hung closely to the bar, i took my chances on the dance floor. i can’t dance, i know that, but i was determined to enjoy myself and escape the evil free drink scoring plot.

of course i spent most of saturday recovering. lounging in bed until the early afternoon. in an effort to redeem myself, i did eventually make it to the gym around 3pm. luke had mentioned to me the evening before that he and some friends were hanging out at his house on the lake saturday afternoon and that “clee” would be playing. now normally i can’t hang with luke’s crowd. they’re much too “rockstar” for me. big parties, big money, late nights, and some other recreational activities that i don’t so much fit in with. they’re always very gracious and friendly. coming up to greet and hug me whenever i make it into brixx. i know they only like me because luke makes them, but im ok with that. so alone, i made my way up to the lake. i opted for only one adult beverage. it didn’t matter. i was in heaven. i plopped down in a folding camping chair just a few feet in front of my favorite band. the breezes rolled in off lake norman and i lost myself in the sunset. i’ve seen them many times in bars and venues around town and now they were putting on a show just for me. tim the drummer and clee the lead, even made a few comments directly to me. i didn’t care that the beautiful people were milling around, smoking cigarettes, being cool and beautiful. i was as content as i could be. after the show, clee gave me a free cd. i told him and luke that i wanted a private show for my birthday (i think this is plenty reasonable since so many of my friends got to have weddings, dammit, i deserve a party too). luke patted me on the head and i went home early, leaving the rockstars to their own lives.

check out the band

so betty

2006-04-13T18:57:00.000-04:00

tlmc used to tell me that i could wear big jewelry because i had a big personality. hmm... not sure exactly how to take that. regardless, most of my collection is big and funky. so today i was feeling saucy--must be the warm weather... or the extra dose of allergy medicine i treated myself to this morning. so along with my very white button down shirt, black pants and favorite work shoes. i put on this little treasure. its made from kikui nuts. i bought it from an old man and his daughter camped on a secluded beach in kona hawaii. i wore it to stonewall, where one of the little darlings said i looked so betty. i said "thanks, i think". and he said "yeah for real like betty rubble from the flinstones". well, obviously he meant wilma. but whatever.

<-- not as good at taking fancy pictures of myself as fancy celeste.

could it be?

2006-04-13T13:38:00.000-04:00

so i've been playing with the reverse stalking thing lately. and i've been getting visits from provo, utah. my heart fluttered. do you think it could be her?

monday monday, la la lalala♪

2006-04-10T11:38:00.000-04:00

(hey look celeste! i put a music note there)

yay for murray for sleeping 8 hours last night! i'm sure glad that whole mess is behind us.

so this morning when i got to work, there were two suspicious pieces of mail in my box. "fema?!?! homeland security!?!? what on earth did i do now?!?!" was my initial response. evidently some training i completed when i first started my new fancy job, was part of a fema curriculum for "incident management systems". and i thought i was just doing my part to prepare for an avian flu (or hiv, whatever) epidemic. so i've been identified, branded, accepted and certified by homeland security! eek! i hope you all will still continue to love me. it was all so innocent. a little booklet on public health emergencies, a 25 question review test. *sniff*

this morning was full of all kinds of surprises. i also had to give a positive hiv result. yeah. he actually responded quite well, he wasnt surprised, his girlfriend of 12 years is positive but he just decided to get tested.

sorry. me <-- debbie downer

this evening i'm having "the talk" with said roommate. sigh.

i need a martini.

oh on a positive note. i was blessed with a visit from drag and drama and their hot mom yesterday. it was superfun! mostly celeste and i pieced together conversations about pedicures that should have been and our reverse stalking while playing referee as the kiddos ran about. i decided that the kids were a good distraction. since it was like we've been internet dating for months now and finally decided to meet, there was a lot of build-up. so now that all of the mystery is gone, i have to see if she still wants to "hang out". *fingers crossed*
<-- hoping for a second date

news flash

2006-04-05T21:13:00.000-04:00

so this fancy news story happened less than a mile from my house today. road closings meant luke couldnt get here for murray's mid-day medicate/feed/potty time. he did eventually make it around 4:30pm. good thing i had class tonight, the roads opened up just 8 minutes before i left school. by then traffic was moving well. there are however still about 30 police cars on the scene.
<--careful not to speed

in other news: my brake light is stuck on (vw service man: "it happens just gotta flip a switch, i can fix it first thing tomorrow morning, we open at 7". me: "i'll be there at 6:45") . i fiddled around with the fuses, took out the one for the break and tail lights in an effort to preserve the battery until i can get to the vw dealer in the morning.

no follow-up on the yesterday's story that roommate can't pay her rent because her wedding is more important. i have put an add on craigslist.com but i'm currently begging tlmc to come home to me this summer.

murray update: murray is no longer on pain medicine. i do not suspect that he is in any pain, but the tranquilizing effects are certainly missed as weimaraners dont do well in confined areas.

thanks for tuning in.

doggone it

2006-03-30T08:41:00.000-05:00

so most of you have probably heard via the broadcast emails that there's been a bit of drama lately. my dog murray (aka "the cutest puppy in the whole world") had to have surgery and a bit of a hospital stay this past weekend. it seems that murray swallowed several pieces of a "kong toy" (they claim to be indestructible and "safe for tough chewers"). this didn't go over so well with his digestive system. 4 days in the hospital, 60 staples and several thousand dollars later, he's finally home. he has to stay in his crate for 2 weeks and wear a lovely lampshade-like collar. murray wasn't particularly coordinated (he gets that from me) before, so he clumsily moves around when he comes out to eat, get his medicine or go potty. i'm suffering from sleep deprivation because has to have medicine in the middle of the night (read:2am), but i'm just glad my puppy is home. he's in good spirits and really enjoyed the get well card that kristina sent. i read it to him last night (he's not much of a reader) and he licked it! aww. i set it on the floor next to his crate so he can see it. i'm still accepting donations to cover the cost of surgery or if anyone would like to volunteer to puppysit so i can get some sleep, that also would be greatly appreciated. (this picture is from christmas, the poor guy has lost 13 pounds, but i do not however, suggest ingesting pieces of hard rubber as a method of weight control)

*update 3/30/06 10:34pm. murray would also like to thank beau cartee (of the jenny and heath cartee house) for the get well card.

in other news... something more uplifting. if anyone is in the qc this weekend and looking for something fun to do, my former jr. world savers have organized a sweeeet fundraiser in noda on saturday night. drum show, drag queens and poetry. what more could you want? hope to see you there.

i should get back to work.

the doctor is in

2006-03-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

you know how people have certain patterns in life? well, mine seems to be that i either attract or am attracted to males (well people in general) with some sort of psychological dysfunction. lets see, there was pinochipaul (or rumplestiltspaul) the compulsive liar, psycho-seth, and narcissistic stephen. there are other more minor characters in the line-up, but these are definitely the highlights. new test of psychological soundness, am i your friend? if you said yes, chances are you need help.

so now i have some new men in my life. the boys at stonewall jackson youth development center. thats right, incarcerated, teenage boys. part of my job is doing hiv/aids prevention programming, education, tutoring, and mentoring with these little darlings. some of them i have grown pretty attached to already. they just crave positive attention. they just want someone to listen to them as they vent what they're thinking about. it makes me feel needed (insert my psychosis of choice) and they seem to genuinely appreciate the time to talk. if anyone ever wants to volunteer or just hang out with "my boys" you're definitely welcome. thanks to tlmc for pointing out that what i thought was being helpful was really just an extension of own disturbing relationship patterning.

spf 4

2006-03-17T21:54:00.000-05:00

yeah, it really does help. i put it on my face and chest but not my arms and legs. for those of you who missed me, i was in orlando this week for a conference for work. these really smart conference planners let us out at 3:30 everyday so i had ample time by the pool tuesday, wednesday and thursday. fortunately, my boss is cool like that so we had um, a "mini staff retreat" on friday (read: drinks by the pool all day before our 7:30pm flight home) . it was not very fun carrying the laptop on the sunburned shoulders to the parking spot furthest from the clt airport, but falling up the last two stairs at home... that was just the perfect ending. time for bed, right after a cold shower and gallon of aloe.

lucky you, another quiz

2006-03-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T DO KNOW ABOUT ME:

(actually, there are only 68, someone cant count)

1. DO YOU SNORE?
nope

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
lover (read: avoider of all things of conflict)

3. WHAT ARE YOUR WORST FEARS?
the unknown

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
no, but my dad was an engineer, he was always trying to “help” me, it really turned me off from legos I think

whoever made this, left out #5

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
always

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY
if by cute you mean bald.

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
it doesn’t seem i have much of a choice.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
desktop=black, laptop=silver/black

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
yep

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
no, but i often dream that i am

12. ANY SECRET TALENT?
do superhero superpowers count?

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
any beach (well thats realitively clean and unpopulated) ideally, kona, hawaii

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
that’s past my bedtime

15. CAN YOU SWIM?
yep

16. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
nope

17. DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE OZONE?
yep

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
i don’t like tootsie rolls

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
it’s the sing part that rules me out

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
mostly "in" it, not "on" it.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
yep, can you tell?

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
i prefer mechanical pencils

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
boo!

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
*fingers crossed*

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
sure why not

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
bee stings, mean people.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU "?
this morning to murray

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
on my favorite christmas ornament

and # 29

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
scramled, over well or deviled

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
ß too many blonde friends to answer.

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
as lint in the dryer filter

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
time for you to buy a watch.. ooooo

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME(s)?
i prefer “superhero allias”, the condom fairy, also qc, and heath

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
wouldn’t know havent eaten there in like 5 years

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
about 3 hours ago

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
i don’t discriminate bathing practices

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
yep, saw him at the mall a few months ago

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
very much

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
only when its light inside, and dark outside

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
sleep

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
i don’t eat peanut butter

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
no, but i can crack tlmc’s (that sounded so dirty)

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
nope

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
twice (its 11am)

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
no way! better living through chemicals!

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER
not at all

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
brown (the color of poo)

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
sure, right now (now don’t make me sad!)

51. WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?
than mine?

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
no, but i do have espn.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
vocal cord

55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
don’t believe so

56. DO YOU LOVE SOMEBODY?
you!

57. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDNT?
not currently, but i definitely have

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
occassionally (don’t lie, you do too)

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
yep

60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
that question is too sexist to answer

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
well, i know it to be real (product of it) but its not a fun thing

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
pfft

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
only in spelling and relationships

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
its colder in this office than it is outside

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE
a banana

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
not usually

67. HAVE YOU EVER STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
tlmc’s 21’st birthday

68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIALS?
um, i’m too easily amused to find them annoying i guess.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
nope

70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
rubber

easy like sunday morning

2006-03-06T09:10:00.000-05:00

to put to rest your worries that i would not be posting anymore, it was merely a threat, in hopes that tee would post... obviously, it didnt work.

well its week two of 'insanity at 0-500 hours'. and yes, i managed to get to the gym 6 times last week. impressive huh? saturday i didnt get there until 8, but thats because they dont open until then. slackers. but, by noon i had been to the gym, to the grocery store and got a new toilet installed. man what a busy morning! ok *the following is for female readers only, so if you're male or easily skeeved out by talks of feminine hygiene, please proceed to the next paragraph.* do not, under any circumstances, flush a tampon applicator. even if it says its flushable. it is not! i dropped $300 on a new toilet (oh add another $150 for the two times before that i had it augered). dont ask how or why, just trust me. true, owning a house means signing up for a lifetime of unexpected expenses, but some of them are preventable. thank you. this public service annoucement has been brought to you by roger the plumber. oh and according to roger, the only thing that breaks toilets more than tampon applicators is little toy cars.

now back to regular programming.
i would like to take this opportunity to endorse some of my favorite things. i have recently turned several friends onto products, services, and what not. that have now become so integrated into my life, i feel obligated to give them a little shout out.
1. ipod. duh.
2. bare escentuals. (converts: jennifer mills, jane ellis, tlmc and celeste... and growing)
3. threading.
4. lost. a must see for every conspiracy theorist
5. new favorite recipe.
6. welcome to moe's!
7. footgasm.
8. jenny cartee pottery.

an update on my new year's resolutions.
1. financially responsible decisions--check! now only eating out twice a week or less, new shorter commute cut gas bill to one-third, will not buy clothes until april
2. new job--yep!
3. realize that i am not defined by my job--so true, i love my new job, but it no longer takes over my life.
4. volunteering--still working on that (this of course was directly related to being unemployed)
5. relationship status--boy this has been a real roller coaster lately, but i've learned a lot about myself. this time is for me.
6. washing my face--so far in 2006, i have only not done this 3 times.
7. spend more time reading than watching tv--i have definitely picked up books more in the past 3 months than i did in the past 3 years. but i'm still addicted to the food network.
8. saying no--wow, this proved to be harder than i thought. especially in the relationship department, but i am starting to realize it was the right thing, even if i do feel crappy about it (he's still not speaking to me btw)
9. get physical!--eek! obviously suffering from psychosis (see above)
10. make new friends--this has taken off more than i could imagine.

the right to be ignorant

2006-03-01T14:05:00.000-05:00

i read this disturbing article on msn. i can't say that i'm at all surprised though. i'll spare you the rant about how dumb americans are, but rather gloat that i got both questions right.

who knew?

2006-02-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

ok so some of you have commented that my last post wasn't exactly the feel-good-post-of-the-year. i appreciate your kind words and support, so i thought i'd post something a little more uplifting.

sunday i joined peak fitness. (when you stop laughing i'll continue)...

waiting...

...ahem

anyway, i got up this morning at went to the gym at 5am. crazy i know! but i enjoyed it. besides a little tightening in my calves, i'm feeling pretty good. because celeste inspires me with her pictures i thought i'd share this one.

its a real book too. i'm not really moving anywhere, but its for the visual effect.

karma, is that you?

2006-02-23T21:22:00.000-05:00

more times than i care to recount, i've been on the receiving end of the "let's just be friends conversation". its probably one of my least favorite things in the whole world. but now, there is something even further down on the list--being the one to have to say it. it sucks. i can't be sure that all of the boys that have handed me the 'just friends' card in years past have gone through the emotional torment that i have, being the dealer this time. but having to tell someone that is a genuinely nice person, that despite their wonderful qualities, that you just dont see a dating relationship in the future is... its... ugh, it just makes me so sad. i feel like such a jerk. i hate confrontation in general. just ask tlmc. we avoided conflict until it was painful. so im wondering if me being sad is bad karma? or if its just because im over sensitive?

on top of all that, last night i replied to my grandmother's 8th email of the day (the family regrets teaching her how to use a computer) warning me of the "life is beautiful virus [via powerpoint]", which followed the email asking me to put my name on the list and copy and paste the email and send it to all my friends for a 'kid's project for school', which came just an hour after the 'beware of lipstick that contain lead' email. i felt compelled to tell her that none of that stuff was true, i sent her a link to snopes.com and told her that we appreciated that she cared about us, our hard drives and the kid's school project so much, but that 99% of what she sends us just isn't true.

so now i feel like heather stewart--dream crusher. i deserve to be stoned to death. now i know why so many people lie, its much less painful.

cinders and ashes

2006-02-21T08:55:00.000-05:00

so i’ve been catching a lot of flack for being such a slack poster. project optimism has even cleverly been renamed ‘project neverposting’ be tee. what can i say, i’m bland and boring. i do have a new favorite website. what did we do before we couldn’t know everything whenever we wanted? i am pretty excited about the new kicks though. cute and comfy (well as cute as can be expected on a hall where everyone else but me wears scrubs everyday).

i continue to enjoy my new job. eventually you don’t even notice the screams from young children down the hall getting their early childhood immunizations. i don’t suppose you never get used to hearing gossip about how the owner of the local italian restaurant is getting treated for tuberculosis. no one here eats there anymore.

sunday afternoon while i was demonstrating my keen procrastinating skills, i stopped on tnt to watch die hard with a vengeance. samuel l. jackson and bruce willis are so badass. my favorite part was definitely enjoying the creative ways they (whoever ‘they’ are) had dubbed over the movie’s ‘too obscene for network tv’ lingo. my favorite being the several times that samuel refered to bruce as a “white racist melon farmer”. melon farmer! ha! still makes me laugh. what a nicer place the world would be if people would use words like that. hats off to thomas the tank engine for providing me with my second favorite set of by-words, ‘cinders and ashes’. next time you want to express your extreme dissatisfaction with a person or situation, try one of those on for size.

things that make you go hmmm...?

2006-02-11T14:32:00.000-05:00

so the first full week at the new job was great. i really heart it there. and i got word on friday that they are going to paint my purple cave sometime next week. i do miss having a window and i'll definitely be investing in some comfortable and practical shoes soon. working in the communicable disease clinic part of the health department has resulted in some very interesting conversations. i imagine that most people dont get to hear what i hear on a daily basis. let me share a few examples.

scene one: front desk, in broken english/spanish
nurse: "and your social security number ma'am?"
patient: [something in spanish]
nurse: "oh you dont have one, no problem"

scene two: std pre-test counseling session
me: "do you have a primary or main partner"
patient: "yeah i'm married"
me: "how many partners have you had in the last 6 months?"
patient: "um, like at least 4 maybe"
me: "are your partners male, female or both?"
patient: "umm... both"
me: "do you use protection?"
patient: "uhh if i did, would i be here?"

i think my favorite part of my job is definitely going to be working at stonewall jackson youth development center. i'll be there about 10 hours a week, doing hiv/std prevention programming, tutoring and mentoring. they remind me a lot of my stepbrother (rip). very different from the kids at north meck, or you fancy science and math school kids. they may have sorted pasts, but they just want some positive attention. i think its cool.

i should also mention that tuesday is single people's oppression day. celebrate by wearing all black, drink yourself silly with your other single friends and of course, make snide comments to your annoyingly in love friends.

thats all i can muster for now. the crappy winter weather is sucking the will to create right out of me.

crash

2006-02-05T08:45:00.000-05:00

so clearly i scandalized the blogging community, or at least the 3 of you, when i mentioned said "cute boy" in my last post. lest anyone be deceived that a nice, decent, guy actually be interested in me, said "cute boy" will hereby be referred to as "mean boy 562986" in that the day following his chivalrousness, he sent an email professing his undying disinterest. fear not, i will return to being the same boring, old spinster that you know and heart.

im still trying to pick myself up. as you could imagine. friday was quite a high for me. and somewhere around 6:30pm yesterday i crashed, hard. against the advisement of tlmc and at the astonishment of celeste, i was able to pull myself together and compose a brief and rather genial email, thanking mean boy 562986 for his time and his honesty and wishing him well. it did go through several drafts, which celeste pointed out where the real healing is. tlmc thought that i should go with anger, a much healthier emotion in her opinion, but its just not one im really able to tap into. and then she said the sweetest thing, "if a person is going to have a flaw, being nice is probably the best one to have". and tlmc probably knows me better than anyone, so that meant a lot.

im determined to get my taxes done today, with the help of turbo tax, figure out how to take back what is mine. i will allow myself one frivolous purchase, and the rest goes in savings. i'm thinking this might have to be a new dvd player, seeing as i dont think i get as much out of my new workout video when i have to stop 5 times to reset it.

on with the day.

currently listening: fiona apple, extraordinary machine

a good day to live

2006-02-03T22:59:00.000-05:00

of course, everyone wants to know about my first day at the new job. it was great! :) the nice nurses in the cd (communicable disease) department made me a cake. it said "welcome heather" on it in green gel icing. my lilac office was decorated with homemade welcome signs, construction paper figurines and a basket of condoms and candy, of course (its an std clinic, what do you expect?). the occasional stranger from across the building would come over and say "oh you must be the new girl, i heard there was cake". the biggest surprise was finding that one of my christmas cards (the cute ones with murray on them) was taped to the front of my door with a speech bubble sign saying "hope you like the color purple". i sent becky, cd nurse/case manager, whom i know from my old job, a christmas card, and she put it on my door to make me feel at home. aww.

this morning i dutifully made a lunch to take with me, but found out i had to attend a 'health initiatives team' meeting and they had it catered with yummy salads from o'charleys. over lunch i realized that one of the women in the meeting looked strangely familiar. we had gone to daycare together probably 15-20 years ago. once i confirmed her identity, she said "oh my gosh we used to have sleepovers at your house". man, what a small world.

the other highlight of my day was getting a tb test. not everyone gets a shot on their first day at a new job. i hope i pass, we should know on monday.

after my fun filled first day, i was delighted at my 17 minute commute home (better than the hour from my previous job). and the fun didnt end there. in the midst of recounting my fun day to several buddies on im, i got a phone call from a cute boy standing at my door to surprise me with flowers. he took me to dinner.

it was a good day. :)

sugar and spice

2006-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

i've recently learned that my readership is much larger than my precious commenters. a shout out to my fans who haven't yet graced us with their comments. kristin friend in the windy city, or should i say "big gastonia", lauren hill proudly in blue heaven, heath cartee who protects the city of pleasant living, and there's ian, lane and whoever else is out there.

sunday i visited my grandfolk in clover, sc. i found out something a little disturbing. my great grandmother got married when she was 14 and great uncle lacy came only a year later. eek! my grandmother got married at 16, and of course my mom got married at 18. i am severely under-performing. to this, i say- oh well.

last night was eventful. i actually went out. i know, and on a week night? *gasp* thats ok, i'm sure my social life is about to come to a screeching halt once the new jobs starts, friday. :)
so peyton, from my old job, invited me to go to cabo fish taco for dinner and then to see her roommate play at the evening muse. i feel bad because peyton asks me to go out with her like every week and i always say no, its usually places not really my style. so being a big fan of cabo and the muse, i agreed to go. she aslo said "bring whoever" (trying to pack the house so her roommate can pay rent, no doubt). i invited kristina and tripp. kristina sadly couldn't make it, she's a teacher, they have a lot of shit to do. tee nat whined because he was afraid he was going to be the only boy there and not know anyone. i assured him that the only person i knew was peyton and told him not to be afraid of strangers. well, scott (from the band) joined us for dinner but had to peace out early. somewhere around the third el cheapo margarita (no really, thats what its called) tee nat realized that he was sitting with 5 cute females. it most definitely looked like a meeting of the tee nat fan club, to which he commented "i wish everyone i knew would walk in right now". the conversation was lively, from ultrasound machines and gyno's to insulin pumps and choo choo trains (one of the girls, amy, she's a train conductor, but she was a little scary). by the end of the night leigh and peyton were practically begging tee nat to go a cruise with them in may. he's such a pimp.

so today is the first day of february. crazy huh? i think im going to do my taxes today, you know, make myself feel important. oh and if anyone has a graphing calculator lying around, can i borrow it? i need one for class. i haven't seen mine in years, but i'd rather not spend $100 on one. ok, and brrr, its cold outside. i think its time for my morning nap.

ciao!

addendum

2006-01-29T21:42:00.000-05:00

in a conversation with tlmc, i realized that i had left out some rather odd facts about myself. feel free to substitute these for any of the more boring ones in the last post.

a. i had my first real kiss in a church, i was 15, he was 19. he became my first boyfriend
b. i have a serious superman fetish
c. i have a thing for red headed boys
d. i dont like peanut butter or popcorn
e. i find it very attractive when boys wear toboggans
f. i believe that is important to name inanimate objects, like my car, 'twink', or tlmc's car, 'the sex pistol'
g. i had my first drink of scotch when i was 3
h. i joined udoc, just for the scholarship money
i. my indian name is 'little princess running water'
j. i have a birthmark on my butt

ha, how about them apples
any better?

copy cat

2006-01-28T08:27:00.000-05:00

100 things you never wanted to know about me.

1. i totally stole this from celeste
2. i'm not really very creative
3. i'm tone deaf too
4. i have a lot of creative/artsy friends
5. i've been in 8 weddings
6. none of which, were my own
7. however, i've been proposed to 3 times
8. i'm glad none of those worked out
9. tlmc and i almost qualified for common law marriage
10. i miss her
11. i am an only child
12. but i wasn't spoiled
13. i was almost named after a f amous clemson football coach (but then i was born a girl)
14. frank howard called me francis until he died
15. i won 4th place in the state science fair in 6th grade
16. i practiced pavlov's conditioning on goldfish
17. i went to jim and tammy bakker's high school
18. the one year i was a cheerleader, we weren't allowed to go to competition because our skirts were too short
19. i was student council president my jr. and sr. years
20. 95% of the guys i have dated have 4 letter names
21. a lot of my early boyfriends shared names with the authors of the new testament, matthew, mark, luke, john and paul
22. that kind of creeps me out
23. my first job ever was a ymca camp counselor
24. my favorite job ever was a demo chef for calphalon cookware
25. i like to piddle in the kitchen
26. i grow my own herbs, the legal kind
27. i have a red mailbox
28. i have owned 3 volkswagens
29. i have never had a cavity
30. i brush my teeth at least 3 times a day
31. i find this a little ocd
32. but i believe oral hygiene is important
33. the week before i got my braces off, i broke my nose playing softball (age, 15)
34. i am not a big fan of snow skiing
35. i grew up in south charlotte, near lake wylie
36. i still live in charlotte, just the other side of town
37. my family is famous for its fried chicken
38. i only started eating tomatoes a year or so ago
39. i still dont like mushrooms or olives
40. cheese is my t-total favoritest food
41. i believe all other foods are just a vehicle by which cheese can be delivered
42. i went through a phase when i was about 6 years old where all i wanted to eat was hotdogs and spinach
43. i still heart spinach
44. i am the first person on my dad's side of the family to graduate from college
45. my dad's parents are affectionately known as "maw maw and paw paw"
46. on valentines day, they'll celebrate their 65 anniversary
47. i think that is pretty impressive
48. my mom won a prize in a photo contest for time life magazine for a picture of my dad and i on the beach
49. that picture is sitting on my dresser
50. my bedroom furniture is over 150 years old
51. i heart it
52. my great, great grandfather made it
53. fall is my favorite season
54. i dont like salty foods
55. i dont drink coke (read:soda)
56. i am very sensitive to caffeine
57. but i have a weakness for sweet tea
58. i am very allergic to cigarette smoke
59. i dont really have much of a temper
60. an ex of mine broke up with me because i was "too nice"
61. i'm never dating another marine
62. i think thunderstorms are sexy
63. my favorite physical features of boys are shoulders and smiles
64. i too, have danced on the bar in charlotte
65. tlmc was usually with me
66. i stood on a table in ri ra on my 21st birthday and led the crowd in singing happy birthday to me.
67. i thought i was something
68. in college, tlmc and i thought all boys should have nicknames, my favorites were thugalicious and fuckface
69. during the holidays, i wrote "ho ho ho" with christmas lights in the windows of our campus apartment
70. i got a busted lip from jim maxwell (who now plays for the san francsico 49ers) during a snowball fight
71. i blame celeste for wasting my morning
72. i would like to meet her someday
73. my dad would like me to move to atl
74. its a little out of my price range
75. and i dont have enough equity to make it worth it
76. and i'm just getting my house the way i really want it (after 3 years)
77. murray is a funny dog
78. he was a "get over your bad break-up present" from luke
79. i heart murray
80. i am nervous and excited about starting my new job next week
81. my new office is painted purple
82. that is not my favorite color
83. i'm not really a fan of pink either
84. i think my favorite colors are blue and green
85. and orange, of course
86. but i mostly wear black
87. i'm not goth or emo or anything
88. i just find that black is easy, it requires little thought
89. my car matches my dog
90. my first concert was new kids on the block
91. my second was aerosmith and four non-blondes
92. i am not a fan of country music
93. i named my ipod 'lil lil guy'
94. when i was a kid a lot of my stuff came from ll bean and i called it 'lil lil bean'
95. i believe i've been making this list for over an hour
96. i'm sorry im not cool like celeste and putting in a lot of links
97. i think t-nat should make a list
98. i doubt tlmc will, she's a busy girl
99. i have something that i need to take back to the uncc library by 11am
100. ha, i'm done, sweeeeeeeet

wow, ok, so yeah, that was a lot harder than i thought it would be. maybe i'm just a boring person.

celebrate

2006-01-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

happy birthday mozart!

supposedly davidson college is having a concert tonight and it will end with everyone singing happy birthday to the dead guy and a big cake with 250 candles.

better than rain

2006-01-25T22:44:00.000-05:00

today i took my drug test for my new job. its hard to pee in a cup with someone watching. that was not fun. i am getting really excited about the job though, but its going to be hard to give up all of this freedom. i start next friday, 2/3. and all of a sudden i'm realizing that i haven't done all of the home improvement projects i wanted to get done on my little vacation. why did i have to be so damn ambitious?

tlmc's post about how boys don't like smart girls came true in vivid color tonight. i was watching abc around 8:45pm (so as not to miss even the first second of lost) and on whatever new goobery show they have on now, one of the characters actually said:

"who would want to date a smart girl anyway? they're too much work. let's say you put your hand on a smart girl's ass, she's going to start asking you all sorts of annoying questions like 'why the hell is your hand on my ass?' whereas if you put your hand on a dumb girl's ass and tell her you want to be an astronaut, bam! you're in".

sigh.

on a more encouraging note, im feeling more and more empowered everyday. its coming out in little ways. i finished a book, i've officially rid myself of one very unhealthy relationship, i confronted someone who was getting on my nerves and i recently told someone who asked me to do something for them, no. oh and i'm making some new friends. ;)

those of you have known me a while will appreciate this story. a dear friend of mine, aaron parker, called me today. he and his partner keith recently bought a house together and were out celebrating at eddie's neighborhood bar. while they were there aaron noticed an um, old boyfriend of mine, paul (aka pinochipaul or rumplestiltspaul) working in the kitchen. despite paul's best efforts to avoid eye contact, aaron eventually said, "hey paul, remember me from g-dubb? i was good friends with heather". aaron said that all of the blood drained out of paul's face. so aaron, being the good friend he is said "yeah too bad you didnt marry her, she's doing awesome, she's hot and loaded". i love having gay guy friends.

random: there is a new movie coming out and its about gastonia, nc. go figure.

yay for the new job!

2006-01-23T17:30:00.000-05:00

wow, ok so i managed to not go bankrupt during unemployment, but did almost wet my pants when they called and offered me the job today. that was possibly the most nerve-racking time ever. will post more later, but for now, i'm taking myself out to dinner.

please sir can i have some more

2006-01-19T19:31:00.000-05:00

so for now, being unemployed still kinda feels like a long weekend. i am making a concerted effort to a.) get out of bed before 8am, b.)bathe and dress, c.)leave the house for at least 3 hours and d.)not take a nap. so far so good. i think this weekend i start on the virtually endless number of hgtv projects. ex-work only called 4 times today, so i think they're figuring it out. my strategy, if they leave something i feel they really can't figure out if they try, i'll call back, late, and leave some vague idea on the voicemail. if its just pleading, yeah, they get nothing. good news today though. interview (scroll down to "program coordinator 1") on monday. very excited. we'll see.

in other news, the new roommate, mccamy is getting married sometime (date subject to the whim of them), she officially asked me to be a bridesmaid. sigh. 100 times a bridesmaid, never a bride. although i do have to say the dress does qualify as one of the favorite of the other dozen or so that are um (to steal from celeste) *fakecoughsoakedinchampagneandwaddedupinthefloorofmycloset*. yeah. i think the price is a little stiff, so hopefully tlmc will agree to have the same one. because lets face it "its cute, and something you can wear again" is something that all brides tell their maids just so they dont feel so guilty about making their poor, unemployed friends spend $240.00 for the pleasure of being in their wedding-see fake cough line above). its kinda hard, im not a good enough person to live with someone who is planning a wedding and who has a serious princess complex about it. im just not sympathetic at all. and ok, im a little bitter. im trying to realize that this is just a test of resolution #5.

other bummed out purchase of the week. yeah dont be jealous.

*deep breath*

with the encouragement of tlmc i did make one redeeming purchase. *giggles*

now singing

because im cool like that

2006-01-18T22:20:00.000-05:00

ok so i'm totally giving into peer pressure. and now that i have free time on my hands i feel like i can waste a little here and there. i present... nothing you ever wanted to know about me.

4 jobs you've (i've) had in my life (as opposed to someone else's?)
camp counselor
demo chef
sales lead (read:assistant manager for this fine company)
program coordinator
.... does superhero count? i think that's more my lifelong career.

4 places i've lived
charlotte, nc (3 different addresses)
boiling springs, nc (2 different dorms)
huntersville, nc
... really, thats it.

4 movies i could watch over and over again
phantom of the opera
rent (is there a pattern?)
french kiss
princess bride

4 t.v. shows i heart
food 911
how to boil water (again with the pattern)
good eats (different pattern)
lost

4 places i've been on vacation
kona, hawaii
destin, fl
hilton head
mashantucket, ct

4 places i surf to daily
cash flow
job hunting
duh
oh fug it all

4 favorite foods
cheese (all kinds)
chocolate
anything mexican
spinach

4 places i'd rather be right this minute
on the way to cash my winning lottery ticket
on the couch with tlmc
in bed
here: (yeah, i took that picture for real, in hawaii)

for my fans

2006-01-16T21:40:00.000-05:00

so here i am, the eve of my first day of official unemployment (today was a holiday and most people were off so i'm not counting it). a lot has happened since my last post. we'll start with work, my last week at work was pretty rough. i put in a solid 65 hours. the thursday before my last day i worked from 7am until almost midnight. the next day i got in an argument with a co-worker and i told her to drop it that i wasn't going to take it, i said my good-byes and peaced out. for now i've lined up quite a few well-paying babysitting jobs and managed to get a lot of good feedback from some personal, professional contacts i've made the past few years. so here's to feeling optimistic!

i spent the weekend in altanta, it was a nice retreat. surrounded by quasi-family (dad's girlfriend and her fam), i celebrated, relaxed, and played. there was wine and chocolate and some fabulous italian cooking. they want me to move there. hmmm?

after my post on tuesday, jan. 10. i began to feel much stronger, at least in my battles with men anyway. i even considered swearing off physical and emotional attachments to men in general, especially new interests. one of the mentioned, "type 1" examples realized he had been named. i felt badly, but only for a second. since he's been mysteriously polite and not all sex-pursuing (at least not with me) lately. one of the mentioned "type 2" i had, since the post, cut off from all communication, until today when he emailed to say that he wasn't really sleeping the 43 year old woman, that he only told me he was as a joke, but they were "dating" (this is a creepy relationship for more than the age thing, she's the mother of the special needs kids he works with). oh and he didnt apologize, he just said that the sleeping together part was a joke, i replied, "wow, that joke really turned out to be not so funny".

i dont know where all this self assuredness is coming from, but it feels nice to have it back.

i do want to give an update on my resolutions.
#1. make financially responsible decisions--definitely in progress. i haven't paid for a meal out in 6 days, i think that's a good start.
#2. find a new job--working on this one too. i sent out 11 applications last week.
#3. realize that i am not defined by my job--this is easier now that i dont have one.
#4. volunteering--check! i even got invited to be on the foundation for the carolinas emerging philanthropist board *grins*
#5. realize i am not defined by relationship status--this is a daily battle, but i'm feeling more encouraged.
#6. wash my face every night before bed--so far have only failed to this twice, and it was when i felt really crappy (one night i cried all my make-up off, does that count?)
#7. spend more time reading than watching tv--so far so good, i dont know the exact ratio, but its definitely better than it was.
#8. learn to stand up for myself and say no--i think friday paula was a little surprised when i told her to forget it when she made a stubborn last request before i left.
#9. be more physically active--um, does walking in heals count?
#10. make new friends--i did flirt with the waiter at aspens in alt and i came within about 10 hours of meeting celeste.

volunteering starts tomorrow, i'm helping out my friend amelia in her classroom. i guess i should be getting to bed. ttfn.

for celeste

2006-01-12T09:02:00.000-05:00

this is the only man i will allow myself to be emotionally attached to, at least for a while.

this is the first day that murray was home. at least now he doesn't pee in the house.

i dont understand... the start of a revolution

2006-01-10T08:27:00.000-05:00

im so frustrated, i dont even know where to start. ive been fumbling over the words to this post for hours now. and this is all i have. friday is my last day at the this job and i want to walk away and never look back. i dont understand why boys are so mean and hateful. spent probably a grand total of 3 or 4 hours on the phone with tlmc last night, mostly just me sobbing, wondering why my life is falling apart. aside from work and my relationship with my mom and everything else, mims comforted me by concluding that there are two types of boys. type 1, we will call lane or travis: this is the most common type, only interested in sex, will exhibit manipulative behavior to get what he wants. failure to comply results in pouting, arguing or insulting indifference. out of a desire for attention or to feel wanted, women will sometimes engage in the "game" whether or not they comply with the ultimate request. type 2, the casey or jason: this type is quick to develop a "friendship" based on the female's ability to satisfy some type of emotional or intellectual need for the male. if the female mentions that she is interested in more than a platonic friendship, the male often responds in a way that while masked by the appearance of noble sincerity, is ultimately heart breaking. the "i just want to be friends" card. this roughly translates means "i want to sleep with other people (i.e. 18 or 43 year olds), without any emotional attachment and continue to exploit you and your feelings for me to meet my needs".

my eyes are swollen and burning from last night's sobfest. i plan to muster up all my energy and make some new resolutions... later. for now i will drown myself in what needs to be done here at work.

back by popular demand...

2006-01-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

so happy new year! *coughs* (takes a swig of nyquil)

*sigh*
in case you haven't heard as of friday, january 13 i no longer work at the regional hiv/aids consortium. in a toxic mix of funding issues, mismanagement, and general unhappiness... its the best move for me right now. i dont have any concrete plans, but im diligently applying for jobs and looking for odds and ends to pay the bills.

early tuesday morning, miriam left. it made me really sad. we didnt live like rock stars or anything while she was here, but i was so happy that she was with me. i was so content just sitting talking to her for hours. conversations like we used to have every day, but have been absent for months now. i miss her a lot. i hope she comes back more often, it feels better when we're together. and i want to meet this casey guy (aka miriam's sweet baboo, yes that's her in the picture). by the way, she's also now ranked like 3rd in the first year law school student class at florida state. i'm so proud.

one of my jr. world savers is quitting and that makes me sad. i've done a lot of damage control trying to keep the rest of the team from falling to pieces. i become very invested in them, not just as a program, but emotionally invested in them as individuals.

so with all of this chaos one might ask me how i can still champion the cause of optimism. well, mostly because i choose to. i believe part of being liberated includes exercising to the greatest extent possible, personal choice over all situations. i dont like the way it feels when i feel oppressed by my context, so i choose to have the power over it, and if i cant change or control it, i can change how i respond to it so that it doesnt make me sad. so do i totally sound like a self-help book or what? i'm ok with that. i believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and i this time, i dont think its a train.

news flash: t-nat is no longer in hiding. the cia/nsa/gop/etc. have been evaded.

and mccamy (the roommate) finally got her diamond ring. i'm trying to be a good person, she told me she was worried i'd be mad at her. i told her not to take it personally, i'm just bitter.

starting over

2005-12-31T21:21:00.000-05:00

in the true spirit of the new year, i thought i’d post some resolutions. first honoring my favorite resolution-maker, bridget jones.

“1: uggg - will obviously loose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.”... (ok well maybe a sexaholic wouldn't be so bad... as long as he was faithful... ) :)

a few of my own resolutions… trying desperately to avoid things like “lose weight” and “find a boyfriend” (although those are always top of the list, i don’t want to set myself up for disappointment).

1. make financially responsible decisions
2. find a new job (and fast)
3. realize that i am not defined by my job
4. spend time volunteering for something i feel strongly about, but not related to work
5. realize i am not defined by relationship status
6. wash my face every night before bed
7. spend more time reading than watching tv
8. learn to stand up for myself and say no
9. be more physically active
10. make new friends

on an unrelated note... what will you do with your leap second?

happy new year everyone!

fo shizzle

2005-12-29T20:55:00.000-05:00

new favorite website

enough said

(thanks to tlmc for this)

3rd time's the charm...

2005-12-28T23:31:00.000-05:00

my fan club has suggested that tlmc and i co-author a post. (thank you fan club for that vote of confidence). i am so happy to have mims in town. the first night she was here we stayed up until almost 3:30am just talking, mostly about boys (big surprise). mims is smitten with this guy casey, its cute to hear her talk about him. "christmas morning" (dec. 27) was fun, mims was so surprised to get her ipod. it made me happy to get her something she liked so much.

i went to kohl's today and while piddling through the throw rugs, i caught myself maneuvering to get a better look at the stranger across the way with red hair. i know its weird, but i really am attracted to boys with red hair. strange i know, but then again, i never claimed not to be.

tonight we went to dinner at midtown, ate half-priced fajitas and contemplated playing bar trivia. in the absence of friendly competition, the conversation quickly digressed to sex and politics, and the politics of sex, double standards, taboos... no big surprise. now we're sitting on the couch eating truffles, watching lost and trying desperately to remember some of the points of wit and wisdom that we chuckled over loudly. as we got up to leave our waiter told us to have a good night and without thought we chimed together "you too!" mims pointed out how odd it was that we always automatically reply to casual well wishes with "you too!", "have a nice flight", "you too!", "enjoy your meal", "you too!" even if the other person isnt flying, eating or in the position to have a good evening. (ok, so its much funnier to hear miriam say "you too!" in her quasi-rain-man-esque voice, you'll have to take my word for it)

its christmas again!

2005-12-26T13:59:00.000-05:00

again i woke up before 8am, my internal clocking working against me. with nothing productive in mind, i waddled downstairs for the morning dog ritual. i curled up on the couch wading through many infomercials and settled on watching the hebrew hammer, a funny movie, irreverent in every way. about 10am something came over me, an uncontrollable urge to clean, but not just vacuum and straighten the pillows clean, an urge to purge. i started with the kitchen pantry, a catch-all for things that dont have a place like the lint roller or the picture frame without glass, plug-in air fresheners, not to mention canned food past its prime and half eaten stale bags of chips. i purged and cleaned, emptying out old food, flushing it down the disposal and tossing the empty cans and jars into the recycling bin. i filled a box full of unused house wares, a fondue set, white mixing bowls and an old coffee maker to take to goodwill. hearing the low roar of the garbage truck i hurled two heavy garbage bags full of recycling out to the street along with the little red bin. making my through the living room and kitchen, i tossed out half-burned candles that i dont use anymore, old mail and those little bags with spare bulbs for the christmas lights. upstairs i began working on my bathroom closet, throwing out half-used bottles from the bubbler and scores of free samples and shampoo from hotels.

i sat down to chat with friends online and began to wonder what brought on this frenzy. yes, miriam is coming today, but as sam pointed out why clean for mims? i think after some emotional upheaval last night from a not fun conversation with my mom followed by a troubling and yet empowering talk with an ex, i felt the need to take some control over the clutter in my life, emotional and tangible. i've always been one to clean, even worse than this, during times of emotional distress. at least its productive. the christmas present i'm giving myself today is a little bit of control and a healthy dose of sanity.

miriam just called, she was a little late leaving, but should be here around 6. i'm very excited. we're doing "christmas morning" tomorrow. we'll wake up early and i'll fix a big breakfast of something exotic. we'll open presents, drink champagne until we're silly and spend hours curled up on the couch talking about how mean boys are and how we need to write that book... just like old times.