starting over

in the true spirit of the new year, i thought i’d post some resolutions. first honoring my favorite resolution-maker, bridget jones.

“1: uggg - will obviously loose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.”... (ok well maybe a sexaholic wouldn't be so bad... as long as he was faithful... ) :)


a few of my own resolutions… trying desperately to avoid things like “lose weight” and “find a boyfriend” (although those are always top of the list, i don’t want to set myself up for disappointment).

1. make financially responsible decisions
2. find a new job (and fast)
3. realize that i am not defined by my job
4. spend time volunteering for something i feel strongly about, but not related to work
5. realize i am not defined by relationship status
6. wash my face every night before bed
7. spend more time reading than watching tv
8. learn to stand up for myself and say no
9. be more physically active
10. make new friends

on an unrelated note... what will you do with your leap second?

happy new year everyone!

fo shizzle

new favorite website

enough said

(thanks to tlmc for this)

3rd time's the charm...

my fan club has suggested that tlmc and i co-author a post. (thank you fan club for that vote of confidence). i am so happy to have mims in town. the first night she was here we stayed up until almost 3:30am just talking, mostly about boys (big surprise). mims is smitten with this guy casey, its cute to hear her talk about him. "christmas morning" (dec. 27) was fun, mims was so surprised to get her ipod. it made me happy to get her something she liked so much.

i went to kohl's today and while piddling through the throw rugs, i caught myself maneuvering to get a better look at the stranger across the way with red hair. i know its weird, but i really am attracted to boys with red hair. strange i know, but then again, i never claimed not to be.

tonight we went to dinner at midtown, ate half-priced fajitas and contemplated playing bar trivia. in the absence of friendly competition, the conversation quickly digressed to sex and politics, and the politics of sex, double standards, taboos... no big surprise. now we're sitting on the couch eating truffles, watching lost and trying desperately to remember some of the points of wit and wisdom that we chuckled over loudly. as we got up to leave our waiter told us to have a good night and without thought we chimed together "you too!" mims pointed out how odd it was that we always automatically reply to casual well wishes with "you too!", "have a nice flight", "you too!", "enjoy your meal", "you too!" even if the other person isnt flying, eating or in the position to have a good evening. (ok, so its much funnier to hear miriam say "you too!" in her quasi-rain-man-esque voice, you'll have to take my word for it)

its christmas again!

again i woke up before 8am, my internal clocking working against me. with nothing productive in mind, i waddled downstairs for the morning dog ritual. i curled up on the couch wading through many infomercials and settled on watching the hebrew hammer, a funny movie, irreverent in every way. about 10am something came over me, an uncontrollable urge to clean, but not just vacuum and straighten the pillows clean, an urge to purge. i started with the kitchen pantry, a catch-all for things that dont have a place like the lint roller or the picture frame without glass, plug-in air fresheners, not to mention canned food past its prime and half eaten stale bags of chips. i purged and cleaned, emptying out old food, flushing it down the disposal and tossing the empty cans and jars into the recycling bin. i filled a box full of unused house wares, a fondue set, white mixing bowls and an old coffee maker to take to goodwill. hearing the low roar of the garbage truck i hurled two heavy garbage bags full of recycling out to the street along with the little red bin. making my through the living room and kitchen, i tossed out half-burned candles that i dont use anymore, old mail and those little bags with spare bulbs for the christmas lights. upstairs i began working on my bathroom closet, throwing out half-used bottles from the bubbler and scores of free samples and shampoo from hotels.

i sat down to chat with friends online and began to wonder what brought on this frenzy. yes, miriam is coming today, but as sam pointed out why clean for mims? i think after some emotional upheaval last night from a not fun conversation with my mom followed by a troubling and yet empowering talk with an ex, i felt the need to take some control over the clutter in my life, emotional and tangible. i've always been one to clean, even worse than this, during times of emotional distress. at least its productive. the christmas present i'm giving myself today is a little bit of control and a healthy dose of sanity.

miriam just called, she was a little late leaving, but should be here around 6. i'm very excited. we're doing "christmas morning" tomorrow. we'll wake up early and i'll fix a big breakfast of something exotic. we'll open presents, drink champagne until we're silly and spend hours curled up on the couch talking about how mean boys are and how we need to write that book... just like old times.

merry christmas!

i wish you all peace, love, and adventure in the coming year.

in the meantime here's a fun christmas game, find out your secret christmas name

love,
cuddly floppy-stockings

big day

today, for all practical purposes, is christmas... at least for me and my family. the price's are a wonderful clan. so down to earth and funloving. we always have christmas a few days before so as not to force anyone to have to make those difficult 'where-do-we-go-for-christmas?' decisions. andrei came home from the airforce last night to much fanfare. the family is anxious to see if he'll be giving mccamy a diamond ring before he leaves to go back. tonight could be pure but lighthearted chaos. 30 people or so will cram into my aunt and uncle's house across town, we're having festive holiday lasagna tonight (hey, its hard to feed that many people). there will be a lot of digital cameras, children whining about how it takes the adults to long to eat (because they just want to get to the present opening you know) and other general silliness.

i must be off, i have artichoke dip to make and a visit to get my hair did.

merry fake christmas!

oh and mims will be here in 2 days (she's going to be so excited to see the puppy i got her!)

ta da!

so a few weeks ago i told the tragic story of my dead oven. well, now there is a new oven in my life and its very shiny. thanks to dad, louise, maw maw and paw paw for making this happen (and sears too). i have many presents left to wrap so this post won't be long. by popular demand, my new oven!

spreading cheer

so the cutest puppy in the whole world and i have been busy getting out our christmas cards this week and we have a few left over and invite anyone who would like to receive a christmas card from us to leave your name and address as a comment or email it to heathernc@hotmail.com and we'll be happy to put one in the mail to you.

cheers!

mixed emotions...

a big fat YAY for being done with this semester and a big shiny YAY for the new stove! i'm so exhausted... mentally, physically, emotionally... i don't know if i'm coming or going. i wrote my letter of resignation for my job. not that actually plan on turning it in anytime soon (not until another superhero position becomes open anyway), but i feel like its an emotional release, me giving myself permission to move on... i do love what i do, its just a lot... and the culture is just awful. its not fun to work 50+ hours a week and come home sobbing everyday. so we'll see what the future holds, but for now its time for bed.

pixie dust

ok, not to sound bi-polar or anything, but i'm feeling less sad face today and thought i would spread some new optimistic energy around.

so i took some time wednesday to spend with my junior world savers sorting toys at the salvation army christmas bureau, where all the toys from angel trees and donations all over the county are sorted to bring a little bit of [insert winter holiday observance of your choice here] cheer to less fortunate kids and families. in a poorly lit, unheated abandoned walmart in south charlotte i was brought to tears at the outpouring of humanity and generosity as i watched (and helped) unload cars and vans and big huge boxes from individuals, families, corporations, and church groups of clothes and toys and food and just about anything that anyone could ever need or want. and these toys weren't cheap plastic dollar store action figures, but leapfrog learning toys and brand new clothes from old navy and the gap. and the bicycles, ohmygod the freaking bicycles. i was told there was about 5,000 bicycles (most of which i moved and labeled) all donated. holy toledo batman! it was unbelievable. no one made people or corporations give stuff, but they did it on their own. and not by filling a shoebox and shipping it overseas to get lost on the black market, these toys are going to kids and families in our own city. wow. i found out later in the day that there over 10,000 kids who were registered with the angel tree project and each one of them was guaranteed 2-3 toys and 2-3 pieces of clothing... each piece donated by a stranger.

i'm not at all saying that its important to teach young children to expect expect expensive electronics or name brand clothes every christmas, but to me what stood out is that just when you think that society has completely sold out to the commercialism of it all, to see that many people who remember that the greatest joy is in the giving... sigh... happy face :)

another fun note of interest is that we have a new financial director at work. she's so calm and practical (she sorta sticks out in our field, but its a good balance). she's probably in her mid-40's, single, into yoga and meditation. she has subtle and sarcastic sense of humor which i enjoy. late last friday afternoon she and i were the only ones left at the office and she casually walked in my office to "ask me a few questions". i thought perhaps about the financials for my grant or something. she picked up a condom and while looking somewhat uncomfortable, asked me to "fill [her] in on this whole AIDS thing". so i started with the elevator speech, basics about how you can and can't get it... yada yada yada... she listened intently and looked very relieved when i said you couldn't get it from kissing. without prompting, she mentioned that she might be getting into some "kissing and cuddling" this weekend and having been out of the dating circle for about 20 years she wasn't really sure what exactly the "deal" was. after all of the technical stuff she told me that she had sorta started dating this guy in her yoga class. she went on to say how she'd known him for years but never found him really physically attractive, but the more she got to know him the more she was attracted to him personally... deeper than physical attraction and that because of this emotional and intellectual attraction she now felt the desire to be more physically intimate with him. she shared with me that she hadn't so much as kissed anyone since her divorce 20 years ago. immediately i was delighted to know that i wasn't the only one who operated this way. call it prude or repressive or whatever... but i feel less alone knowing that someone else out there feels the way i do about the subject of physical attraction. just because i don't have overwhelming animalistic urges to pounce men with square jawlines (ok, maybe in college, but i'm more mature now) doesn't mean i'm not a sexual being or that i'm a lesbian (as some may suggest), it just means it takes more than biceps to get my attention.

tuesday (i was out sick on monday) i asked her how the date went. she beamed and told me it was amazing. that kissing and cuddling on the couch was the highlight of the evening and that it made her feel alive (or at least a part of her she thought was dead). i thought for a minute about how quickly that part gets skipped over or at least not given the attention it deserves. the power of touch or a kiss with someone that appeals to you more than physically is so powerful. i'm happy for my friend. i hope i don't have to wait 20 years, but i do want to feel that again. and for the moment at least i'm not sad about being single, i'm happy that a really cool person like my accountant friend has found someone.

ok, its past my bedtime... and tomorrow is friday.

gray skies

so i haven't been my normal optimistic self lately. i don't know if its the weather or holidays or looming finals or what. i have decided that i'm definitely not cut out to live alone. my roommate is gone a lot lately almost never spending the night here, when i leave for work its dark, when i come home its dark. all my friends are married or live hours away. my cell phone and instant messenger, my only connection to the outside world. not that i ever feel like being social anyway. i'm sad because i'm alone and too sad or tired to do anything about it. i have my first full size christmas tree since i was 11. its very festive, fun old family ornaments, star themed ones that were gifts from friends and a plethora of multicolored bows made from the ribbon that tied bridemaids' bouquets from all of the weddings i've been in the past year or so. i really should be working on my finals or helping murray address his christmas cards. the dishwasher is competing with friends in background. i just got off the phone with miriam, it was the highlight of my day! she can't get her soon enough. i'm also looking forward to my 2 week break from work. its been so disheartening lately. i spent an hour or so sobbing in my program director's office this afternoon. its a rough climate politically and i'm taking the fall out from it all pretty personally. it seems like no matter how hard i try, its never enough. she pointed out that i let too much of my personal value be dictated by other people. i know she's right, but i don't know what to do about it. tomorrow i'm spending most of the day working at the salvation army with my jr. world savers. maybe i can get my mind off things.

its weird... usually i'm the one talking friends out of similiar funks, but now its me. who will save me? maybe i'll just have some nyquil and curl up with my book.

hope to bring something more uplifting soon.

its been a while...

ok, so i know i'm a slacker and haven't posted in a while. i could blame it on finals and working lots of late hours. saturday i had a christmas party for work and sunday i spent most of the day in the library working on my project for class, coming home around 4pm to take a shot of nyquil and turn in early. unable to go to work this morning i've done much of nothing. drinking gallons of orange juiced laced with various decongestants, i've worked myself into a coma like state. tripp thinks if i make a fun new post people will leave me sympathetic comments. i did also promise to post picture of my new sassy red hair. tragically it has faded some and please forgive my photography skills (or lack there off).
other points of notice since i last wrote... i got my tattoo re-colored, the yellow had faded quite a bit but is now restored to a lovely vibrant tone. i also saw the movie version of rent. it was quite well done. i have to confess that i did sing (however off key) through the entire thing. one of my jr. world savers gave me naked, by david sedaris, i've been piddling through that and enjoying it very much. oh, and big drama the day before thanksgiving, my oven died, tragically in a cornbread making incident. i sat on the floor sobbing, to be comforted by my dear father who offered to take on part of the expense of the replacement as a christmas present (to be delivered on december 12). i gathered up fresh herbs and organic stock and finished making thanksgiving dressing and yummy sweet potatoes at my aunt and uncle's house.

well i better get back in bed, i have to all well by the weekend, my best friend jennifer daniels in playing in charlotte and tlmc's (who thinks i'm giving her a puppy for christmas-ha!) coming to town in just two weeks! yay!

*cough*hack*sniff*