pixie dust

ok, not to sound bi-polar or anything, but i'm feeling less sad face today and thought i would spread some new optimistic energy around.

so i took some time wednesday to spend with my junior world savers sorting toys at the salvation army christmas bureau, where all the toys from angel trees and donations all over the county are sorted to bring a little bit of [insert winter holiday observance of your choice here] cheer to less fortunate kids and families. in a poorly lit, unheated abandoned walmart in south charlotte i was brought to tears at the outpouring of humanity and generosity as i watched (and helped) unload cars and vans and big huge boxes from individuals, families, corporations, and church groups of clothes and toys and food and just about anything that anyone could ever need or want. and these toys weren't cheap plastic dollar store action figures, but leapfrog learning toys and brand new clothes from old navy and the gap. and the bicycles, ohmygod the freaking bicycles. i was told there was about 5,000 bicycles (most of which i moved and labeled) all donated. holy toledo batman! it was unbelievable. no one made people or corporations give stuff, but they did it on their own. and not by filling a shoebox and shipping it overseas to get lost on the black market, these toys are going to kids and families in our own city. wow. i found out later in the day that there over 10,000 kids who were registered with the angel tree project and each one of them was guaranteed 2-3 toys and 2-3 pieces of clothing... each piece donated by a stranger.

i'm not at all saying that its important to teach young children to expect expect expensive electronics or name brand clothes every christmas, but to me what stood out is that just when you think that society has completely sold out to the commercialism of it all, to see that many people who remember that the greatest joy is in the giving... sigh... happy face :)

another fun note of interest is that we have a new financial director at work. she's so calm and practical (she sorta sticks out in our field, but its a good balance). she's probably in her mid-40's, single, into yoga and meditation. she has subtle and sarcastic sense of humor which i enjoy. late last friday afternoon she and i were the only ones left at the office and she casually walked in my office to "ask me a few questions". i thought perhaps about the financials for my grant or something. she picked up a condom and while looking somewhat uncomfortable, asked me to "fill [her] in on this whole AIDS thing". so i started with the elevator speech, basics about how you can and can't get it... yada yada yada... she listened intently and looked very relieved when i said you couldn't get it from kissing. without prompting, she mentioned that she might be getting into some "kissing and cuddling" this weekend and having been out of the dating circle for about 20 years she wasn't really sure what exactly the "deal" was. after all of the technical stuff she told me that she had sorta started dating this guy in her yoga class. she went on to say how she'd known him for years but never found him really physically attractive, but the more she got to know him the more she was attracted to him personally... deeper than physical attraction and that because of this emotional and intellectual attraction she now felt the desire to be more physically intimate with him. she shared with me that she hadn't so much as kissed anyone since her divorce 20 years ago. immediately i was delighted to know that i wasn't the only one who operated this way. call it prude or repressive or whatever... but i feel less alone knowing that someone else out there feels the way i do about the subject of physical attraction. just because i don't have overwhelming animalistic urges to pounce men with square jawlines (ok, maybe in college, but i'm more mature now) doesn't mean i'm not a sexual being or that i'm a lesbian (as some may suggest), it just means it takes more than biceps to get my attention.

tuesday (i was out sick on monday) i asked her how the date went. she beamed and told me it was amazing. that kissing and cuddling on the couch was the highlight of the evening and that it made her feel alive (or at least a part of her she thought was dead). i thought for a minute about how quickly that part gets skipped over or at least not given the attention it deserves. the power of touch or a kiss with someone that appeals to you more than physically is so powerful. i'm happy for my friend. i hope i don't have to wait 20 years, but i do want to feel that again. and for the moment at least i'm not sad about being single, i'm happy that a really cool person like my accountant friend has found someone.

ok, its past my bedtime... and tomorrow is friday.