made in the shade

i wish i got to go to hilton head with dominic and mr. yuke. here they are kicking back some cold ones after playing with yegos on the beach.

wedding palalala

the story of a wedding weekend as told through grandmother's snarky comments.

"your hair looks like crap! when is going to go back to normal?"--to elena, sister of the groom and jr. bridesmaid. elena had attempted to home highlight her hair.

"you need to control your children, they're eating all the shrimp! other people have to eat too you know."--at the rehearsal dinner, to the pastor who was to perform the ceremony.

"i'm the grandmother! bring me more champagne!"--to the waiter at the rehearsal dinner.

"[jesus], please help heather to not make smart ass comments"--to me after thanking grandmother for putting down her cigarette long enough for the family prayer before lunch.

"what's the story with that cream colored sash? is she trying to make up for wearing a white dress?"--to the mother of the groom (my aunt jennifer) because the bride was wearing a white dress with a beige sash. enough said.

"i have the best looking family, dont you think?"--to the photographer, as the groom's family walked up for pictures (all 35 of us) as the bride's family sat back down.

"hope you stay around for a while, or this could be embarrassing"--to cousin sloan's new girlfriend from charleston who somehow got in the family pictures.

"sally had gas last night, she thought she was having another heart attack"--pleasant reception conversation with myself and uber yuppie family from kiawah (see steven ellis).

*in a particularly annoyed voice* "they left me off of the 'in memory of our grandparents' dedication on the back of the program!"--after noticing that her ex-husband was mentioned on the back of the program, i then casually pointed out that she was listed "on the inside, because she was alive"

"i love y'all, but im ready for you to go home so i can sit on my couch in my pajamas and drink me some brandy"--to the family as everyone was leaving after lunch on sunday.

and these are only the ones i was around to hear. i love my grandmother.

other points to note for the weekend.
big tulip popular fell down in my back yard as i was getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. bummer.

i forgot to take my camera to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding (wedding pictures from the photographer will be posted online this weekend).

bridezilla threw a fit at the salon where the bridal party was getting her hair done. she was mad because two of the bridemaids' hair looked too much like hers. she started crying and then of course, demanded to have her makeup redone too.

uber yuppie cousins in kiawah invited me to come visit them (definitely making plans for a free vacation).

and for the record, murray seems to be doing much better. keep your fingers crossed for solid poop (today is his first day off medicine).

wanted

date for this wedding weekend
must be willing to dress up, smile and make polite conversation with guests
and engage in snarky banter about bridezilla with feisty family matriarch

i did promise my aunt jennifer (her son is marrying bridezilla) that i would "be nice" and also that i would have a flask on hand for when she needed it. she was thankful. at least there's booze at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. oh and in case you didnt already know, i dropped out of the wedding. the $300 bridesmaid dress wasnt returnable, so look for it on ebay soon.

a recipe

take one heart
still bleeding
add vodka
shake
serve in a chilled glass
at dusk on a warm weekday in may

the race fans cometh

the message boards over the interstate have been warning us for weeks now: "PREPARE FOR HEAVY TRAFFIC MAY 19-29. EXPECT DELAYS". or as we locals have come to interpret it "do not under any circumstances attempt to buy gas, go to walmart, eat out or leave your home". race week is upon us. for 10 long days the population of the charlotte-metrolina area increases by nearly half a million people. people come from all over the country, world for this. the first signs of impending doom sprouted yesterday. a replica race car was parked outside a local grocery store for pictures and yesterday on my way home from dinner at brixx, i was victimized by a mini-van from pennsylvania that read "charlotte or bust". as traffic crawled down the interstate, a likely intoxicated race fan hung out the window with a hand written sign "call me ...###-###-####". he was screaming "hey sexy! you going to the race? i got an extra ticket. call me!"

and so it begins. the epicenter of race activity is exactly halfway between work and home. my humble commute doubled this morning but a refreshing email from the health director encouraged non-clinical staff to work from home or flex their time when possible. this is good news.

i plan to do nothing this weekend but take care of the pup, maybe watch a different race and relive some derby party magic.

poor pooch

so its back to the doctor for murray. poor guy hasn't been himself for 2 weeks now. he's been struggling with "stomach issues". we've been through 2 rounds of antibiotics, x-rays (no more kong toys stuck in there), a thorough de-worming, a low residue diet, and now we're waiting on the blood work. last night i slept on the couch and took the pup out to potty no less than a dozen times between 6pm and 6am. besides not eating this morning, he's acting like his normal murray self. i hope they figure out what is wrong with him, and soon. not only am i exhausted, this little trick is costing me a fortune.

coolness

check out my fancy word cloud. you can make your own here.

mom

today is mother's day. i won't see my mom today. but i sent her two mother's day cards (one was disguised as being 'from the dog'). most of you know that my mom and i have a very um... unique relationship. in the past 15 years its fluctuated greatly from separation and indifference to supportive and endearing. i think my mom is a neat person (not always the best decision maker), but she has qualities i admire. although she'd never call herself such, my mother is quite liberated. she rode motorcycles, flew planes, went scuba diving and even was the first female disc jockey of south carolina. she played the trumpet and the baritone. she spent her summer's in mexico as a teenager, instead of teaching sunday school, she signed up for the manual labor, building schools and hospitals. she's chained up bulldozers for plowing the wetlands and made demanding phone calls to corporations she felt had done wrong by the consumer. she's rescued puppies and met martha stewart. when i had my first boyfriend she would let us stay in the living room all by ourselves and would give a warning knock on the wall before she came back in the room. she thought me how to use power tools and gave me a tool box for my high school graduation (laugh, but i still use that stuff today). she coached my high school softball team. she's beat breast cancer and heart disease. the day i moved out of my college apartment, she taught my roommates and i how to open beer bottles by popping them on the edge of the counter.we dont have long mushy heart-to-heart conversations. we've never done a mother-daughter shopping trip. we don't "do lunch" and she probably won't care at all what i plan for my wedding. when i turned 22 she left me a message saying "happy 24th birthday sweetheart".

i love and appreciate my mom for sharing with me her sense of independence and freespirit. for allowing me to make my own decisions and for teaching me the practical stuff. i think the moment my mom was most proud of me was when i called her on the way home from lowe's telling her i had just bought my first power drill. i love that.

happy mother's day, mom.

seeing pink

have you noticed that pink is everywhere? the susan g. komen foundation is pure genius. just when you thought that bracelets and ribbons had topped out, pink is taking over the world. now pink bats for the big leagues!

don't get me wrong, i'm not hating. i've done my walk for the cure, several times. my mom, she's a survivor, and i'm very thankful. but this is just pink mania!

on a side note, this fun article was on the slate yesterday. and more importantly was a fun link to these fun products. and they say the world is getting too politically correct.

pfft.

on the fly

i haven't posted in a few days.

note new picture of amanda in last post.

there was a derby party in atl this past weekend.
i went.
it was fun.
i left my camera at the kruegercelli house.

i have finals this week.
and a big paper due on wednesday.
i'll resume posting and aim/ym/msn after said final and paper are complete.

i'll post pictures from the derby party when my camera arrives.

tlmc is coming to visit this weekend. *woot*

later

cinco and such--updated

tonight my favorite band is playing at my favorite restaurant on my favorite holiday. can you believe it? unfortunately, i wont be able to make it. i'm heading to atl for the fancy derby party. i'm going very a'la julia roberts goes to the polo match. brown and white duds and a fancy hat--isn't that the whole point of a fancy derby party anyway?--the hat! oh well and the booze too.

yesterday i had a very entertaining conversation with amanda (boles) kragel. a dear friend from g-dubb. she happens to be one of the most naturally funny people i know. which surprises me, as she pointed out, that i have never mentioned her on my blog (even though she's commented once or twice). amanda is beautiful. she looks like barbie, tall, thin, long blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes. she's really tall. i come up to her mid calf i think. amanda has a slight tendency to freak out, nothing ever serious, but this one incident, particularly amusing (there were two "freak-outs" yesterday, but no one wants to read about amanda's student loans). amanda was in a retail establishment attempting to purchase some lingerie. amanda (who has the body of a goddess), was walking around said retail establishment trying to get up the courage to go up to the counter and actually pay for her selections. amanda admits that 95% of her underwear drawer is cotton articles from walmart and sports bras. in her very excitable (read:fast talker), low, southern voice she says "i'm waiting to see which one of these girls is going to be the least judgmental. you know so i don't have to say 'oh i'm buying this for a special night with my husband' i don't want them to think i have sex for work or anything" amanda then revealed how she has this idea that i have drawers full of wonderful matching sets and sexy little outfits. she has a very romanticized idea about my life no doubt. amanda thinks i live like a character from sex in the city. as a matter of fact on one of her last visits here she stared out the window as we drove around uptown q.c. and she said she felt like babe, pig in the city, "look at all the people and the pretty lights" she said. upon visiting one of the local malls she said "holy shit! you have valet parking at the mall?!?!".

amanda is from rural kentucky (read: she grew up on a farm, with cows). but she's very intelligent, just slightly naive. in a public display of poor judgment on my part, i gave a drunken toast at her wedding that included a donkey and several sexual innuendos. fortunately, the rest of the crowd (mostly from tennessee and kentucky) was pretty drunk too and they all laughed and applauded. the highlight of that evening may have been when tlmc and i were riding the drunk bus back to the hotel in downtown knoxville, and in a drunken loud voice she said "i feel like we're in deliverance!"

fighting ignorance and disease

most of my post are lighthearted. i tend to stay away from heavy rants, i'll leave that to the professional. so this is more of a public service announcement. for the past few years i've been working around the issues of hiv and aids. i try not to overwhelm friends and readers with political messages or bash them over the head with facts and scare tactics (ok with the exception of the std picture flip book by which some of you have been victimized). i do just want to make a short plug for a feature presentation that frontline, pbs has put together. watch the preview. then watch the show, may 30 & 31. and if anyone has tivo or a dvr, please record it for me. better yet, if anyone can put it on a dvd for me. i'll be your bff (unless i already am, then just do it because you heart me). 1 out of every 370 people in the u.s. is hiv positive
1 out of 3 of hiv positive people don't know their status.
take the test. take control.
fight ignorance and disease.

<-- junkie

its no secret that i have a more than slight addiction to burt's bees lip balm. i discovered this little morsel from heaven a few years ago and since then haven't been without. i typically have about 3 active tubes at any given time. one for my purse, one for the office, and one in my bathroom drawer. pretty much the only thing that makes me grumpy is having chapped lips. the one in the bathroom has been below the plastic rim for weeks now. i've managed to get by thanks to the close proximity to the q-tips and lip brushes. allowing me to dig the goodness out of the tube. the ones at work and in my purse have been struggling along for a few days (seen at left). lowes foods, hallmark and the teet near my house were all out. fortunately jr. world saver becky informed me today at lunch that the teet by the office was in great supply. and now so am i (right).