cinco and such--updated

tonight my favorite band is playing at my favorite restaurant on my favorite holiday. can you believe it? unfortunately, i wont be able to make it. i'm heading to atl for the fancy derby party. i'm going very a'la julia roberts goes to the polo match. brown and white duds and a fancy hat--isn't that the whole point of a fancy derby party anyway?--the hat! oh well and the booze too.

yesterday i had a very entertaining conversation with amanda (boles) kragel. a dear friend from g-dubb. she happens to be one of the most naturally funny people i know. which surprises me, as she pointed out, that i have never mentioned her on my blog (even though she's commented once or twice). amanda is beautiful. she looks like barbie, tall, thin, long blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes. she's really tall. i come up to her mid calf i think. amanda has a slight tendency to freak out, nothing ever serious, but this one incident, particularly amusing (there were two "freak-outs" yesterday, but no one wants to read about amanda's student loans). amanda was in a retail establishment attempting to purchase some lingerie. amanda (who has the body of a goddess), was walking around said retail establishment trying to get up the courage to go up to the counter and actually pay for her selections. amanda admits that 95% of her underwear drawer is cotton articles from walmart and sports bras. in her very excitable (read:fast talker), low, southern voice she says "i'm waiting to see which one of these girls is going to be the least judgmental. you know so i don't have to say 'oh i'm buying this for a special night with my husband' i don't want them to think i have sex for work or anything" amanda then revealed how she has this idea that i have drawers full of wonderful matching sets and sexy little outfits. she has a very romanticized idea about my life no doubt. amanda thinks i live like a character from sex in the city. as a matter of fact on one of her last visits here she stared out the window as we drove around uptown q.c. and she said she felt like babe, pig in the city, "look at all the people and the pretty lights" she said. upon visiting one of the local malls she said "holy shit! you have valet parking at the mall?!?!".

amanda is from rural kentucky (read: she grew up on a farm, with cows). but she's very intelligent, just slightly naive. in a public display of poor judgment on my part, i gave a drunken toast at her wedding that included a donkey and several sexual innuendos. fortunately, the rest of the crowd (mostly from tennessee and kentucky) was pretty drunk too and they all laughed and applauded. the highlight of that evening may have been when tlmc and i were riding the drunk bus back to the hotel in downtown knoxville, and in a drunken loud voice she said "i feel like we're in deliverance!"

fighting ignorance and disease

most of my post are lighthearted. i tend to stay away from heavy rants, i'll leave that to the professional. so this is more of a public service announcement. for the past few years i've been working around the issues of hiv and aids. i try not to overwhelm friends and readers with political messages or bash them over the head with facts and scare tactics (ok with the exception of the std picture flip book by which some of you have been victimized). i do just want to make a short plug for a feature presentation that frontline, pbs has put together. watch the preview. then watch the show, may 30 & 31. and if anyone has tivo or a dvr, please record it for me. better yet, if anyone can put it on a dvd for me. i'll be your bff (unless i already am, then just do it because you heart me). 1 out of every 370 people in the u.s. is hiv positive
1 out of 3 of hiv positive people don't know their status.
take the test. take control.
fight ignorance and disease.

<-- junkie

its no secret that i have a more than slight addiction to burt's bees lip balm. i discovered this little morsel from heaven a few years ago and since then haven't been without. i typically have about 3 active tubes at any given time. one for my purse, one for the office, and one in my bathroom drawer. pretty much the only thing that makes me grumpy is having chapped lips. the one in the bathroom has been below the plastic rim for weeks now. i've managed to get by thanks to the close proximity to the q-tips and lip brushes. allowing me to dig the goodness out of the tube. the ones at work and in my purse have been struggling along for a few days (seen at left). lowes foods, hallmark and the teet near my house were all out. fortunately jr. world saver becky informed me today at lunch that the teet by the office was in great supply. and now so am i (right).

more than you care to know... part infinity.

<-- poached from fancy celeste.

1. first name? yes. oh you mean what is it? heather

2. were you named after anyone? my middle name (elizabeth) is shared by women on my maternal and paternal side. but the heather part, thats original.

3. when did you last cry? wow, thanks to zoloft, its been a while.

4. do you like your handwriting? sure

5. what is your favorite lunchmeat? anything in a moe's burrito

6. kids? god i hope not, or i mean, not yet. tlmc and i almost adopted a little foster kid off the news one night.

7. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? of course

8. do you have a journal? a little project called optimism

9. do you use sarcasm a lot? who me? never

10. do you still have your tonsils? yes

11. would you bungee jump? sure

12. what is your favorite cereal? honey nut cheerios

13. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? sometimes

14. do you think you are strong? i have my moments

15. what is your favorite ice cream flavor? me <-- not so much an ice cream fan

16. shoe size? 8.5ish

17. red or pink? red.

18. what is your least favorite thing about yourself? my forehead

19. who do you miss the most? pookie!

20. do you want everyone to send this back to you? I WANT COMMENTS!!!

21. what color pants and shoes are you wearing? eek! me <-- currently not wearing pants or shoes!

22. last thing you ate? fancy price's chicken coop

23. what are you listening to right now? loud birds outside

24. if you were a crayon, what color would you be? orange

25. favorite smell? the smell of fresh laundry on a boy

26. who was the last person you talked to on the phone? little amelia

27. the first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? smile

28. do you like the person who sent this to you? me <-- has crush on fancy celeste

29. favorite drink? alcoholic: margarita. virgin: sweet tea.

30. favorite sport? to watch: college football. to play: mind games.

31. eye color? poo

32. hat size? i did have the biggest cap size of my graduating high school class (ok so it was only 22 people so shoot me)

33. do you wear contacts? me <-- has fancy 20/15 vision

34. favorite food? mexican!

35. scary movies or happy ending? happy ending (still waiting on mine)

36. last movie you watched at the movies? the inside man

37. what color shirt are you wearing? green

38. summer or winter? um, i pick fall. so there.

39. hugs or kisses? me <-- famous for hugging, but i dont turn down either.

40. favorite dessert? chocolate anything.

41. what books are you reading? this page turner

42. what's on your mouse pad? fancy picture of tlmc and murray playing on my bed.

43. what did you watch on t.v. last night? emeril live on food network.

44. favorite sounds? ocean, laughter.

45. rolling stones or beatles? beatles

46. the furthest you've been from home? hawai'i

47. what's your special talent? being tone deaf.

48. when and where were you born? 5:57pm, presbyterian hospital, charlotte, nc.

49. who sent this to you? poached from fancy celeste.

self portrait a la camera phone

i'm obviously no where near as good at taking pictures of myself as fancy celeste, but i thought "practice makes perfect" right? hmm... this shot was just after getting my fancy hair cut. i'm not really sure what happened to the rest of my facial features. maybe i shouldnt be using 12 crest white strips a day.

the highlight of my day...errr.. night:
1:26am *phone rings*
me: "hello?"
mims (clearly inebriated): "HEY!"
me: "hey whats up?"
mims: "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: "oh, well, i was sleeping"
mims: "oh, well thats good. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: (sleepy laugh) "ha, i was sleeping, what are YOU doing?"
mims: "oh im out having a drink after my exam. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
me: "umm..."
mims: "oh thats right, sleeping. i was thinking about yooouuuu! i miss yooooouuuu! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!"
me: "i got my hair cut today"
mims (now more giggly): "awww... i bet its cute! i bet its short, but not too short and red but not too red"
me: "yeah, pretty much, im so predictable"
[short conversation about her pa]
mims: "ok well i was thinking about yooooouuuu! i miss you pookie!"
me: "i miss you too, good luck on the rest of your exams"
mims: "ok well go back to sleep."
me: "good night"

i love that girl.

<-- will never complain about the weather again

delhi, india:
Widespread Dust
108°F
Feels like: 104°F

charlotte, north carolina, usa:
Heavy Rain
54°F
Feels like: 54°F

gawd.

saturday, in the park ♪

i know its been a while since i posted. last week was sort of hellacious. my work week (even though it ended at 1:30pm on friday) still consisted of 53 hours. needless to say, i was exhausted.

so this weekend i headed down to atl. nate (a good friend from g-dubb) was in town for rio's wedding. i haven't seen him in a year and a half and since i'm going to his wedding in michigan this summer, i thought it would be a good chance to catch up. saturday morning i met him at his swank hotel in buckhead and we had breakfast. after i dropped him off, i hit tjmaxx and dsw to shop for a fancy derby party hat and shoes. silly celeste decided to go for a run. pffft. i eventually met up with fancy celeste and her two fancy-ish kiddos, affectionately, drag and drama. after a fancy tour of casa pout and a mini-gorge fest at moe's (drag fell to my influence when he got to pick where we were going for lunch, drama was in timeout wearing his darth vader mask). then i got to meet fancy ej. *grin* she was every bit as lovely and chipper as i imagined. we hugged (because we're the hugging type) and she called me "q.c." i love how the internet is bringing people together. ej has a fancy house, and tried to convince me to buy the one next door so she could mentor me through the remodeling process. silly world saver salary probably won't cut it. maybe if i ever get a fancy hott handy-man/husband type???...
back to casa pout to pay jason the painter (ok and spend 3 minutes gawking at his hottness) and then it was off to lemonade days a fun arts and craft show along side a kiddie carnival at brook run park in dunwoody. here are a few pictures i took of the fun afternoon. there was much ride riding, playing and general being hotness (like the oven, not like celeste--that's with 2 t's). oh and then there was the whining.

and the pouting, don't forget the pouting! it was quite a fun afternoon. celeste and i intended to relax without the jimmies and with some adult beverages that evening. she however went to bed, and i vegged out on the couch and the petro-krueger house with pizza and some cabernet.

sunday morning i met nate again for breakfast and rode with him on fancy marta to the airport. after the long drive back to the q.c., i picked murray up from daycare and spent the rest of my sunday trying to uploaded the pictures from the weekend. its a total fluke there aren't any pictures of me, or more importantly me and celeste. we'll work on that.

come away ♪

start by clicking here for the soundtrack to this post*

i love a three day weekend. friday i was able to do all of the productive stuff, you know, laundry, cleaning, bill paying. friday night i went out with jennifer (potential new roommate). it was interesting. she and i have very little in common. after dinner at brixx, we went to a new bar downtown called cans. we met up with some of her “not really cool, but loaded guy friends” self-proclaimedly to score free drinks. she insisted on leaving before they started to expect social interaction in exchange for gifts of adult beverages. after hopping around to a few other places, we ended up at latorre’s on my recommendation for a little latin dancing. while she hung closely to the bar, i took my chances on the dance floor. i can’t dance, i know that, but i was determined to enjoy myself and escape the evil free drink scoring plot.

of course i spent most of saturday recovering. lounging in bed until the early afternoon. in an effort to redeem myself, i did eventually make it to the gym around 3pm. luke had mentioned to me the evening before that he and some friends were hanging out at his house on the lake saturday afternoon and that “clee” would be playing. now normally i can’t hang with luke’s crowd. they’re much too “rockstar” for me. big parties, big money, late nights, and some other recreational activities that i don’t so much fit in with. they’re always very gracious and friendly. coming up to greet and hug me whenever i make it into brixx. i know they only like me because luke makes them, but im ok with that. so alone, i made my way up to the lake. i opted for only one adult beverage. it didn’t matter. i was in heaven. i plopped down in a folding camping chair just a few feet in front of my favorite band. the breezes rolled in off lake norman and i lost myself in the sunset. i’ve seen them many times in bars and venues around town and now they were putting on a show just for me. tim the drummer and clee the lead, even made a few comments directly to me. i didn’t care that the beautiful people were milling around, smoking cigarettes, being cool and beautiful. i was as content as i could be. after the show, clee gave me a free cd. i told him and luke that i wanted a private show for my birthday (i think this is plenty reasonable since so many of my friends got to have weddings, dammit, i deserve a party too). luke patted me on the head and i went home early, leaving the rockstars to their own lives.

check out the band

so betty

tlmc used to tell me that i could wear big jewelry because i had a big personality. hmm... not sure exactly how to take that. regardless, most of my collection is big and funky. so today i was feeling saucy--must be the warm weather... or the extra dose of allergy medicine i treated myself to this morning. so along with my very white button down shirt, black pants and favorite work shoes. i put on this little treasure. its made from kikui nuts. i bought it from an old man and his daughter camped on a secluded beach in kona hawaii. i wore it to stonewall, where one of the little darlings said i looked so betty. i said "thanks, i think". and he said "yeah for real like betty rubble from the flinstones". well, obviously he meant wilma. but whatever.

<-- not as good at taking fancy pictures of myself as fancy celeste.

could it be?

so i've been playing with the reverse stalking thing lately. and i've been getting visits from provo, utah. my heart fluttered. do you think it could be her?

monday monday, la la lalala♪

(hey look celeste! i put a music note there)

yay for murray for sleeping 8 hours last night! i'm sure glad that whole mess is behind us.

so this morning when i got to work, there were two suspicious pieces of mail in my box. "fema?!?! homeland security!?!? what on earth did i do now?!?!" was my initial response. evidently some training i completed when i first started my new fancy job, was part of a fema curriculum for "incident management systems". and i thought i was just doing my part to prepare for an avian flu (or hiv, whatever) epidemic. so i've been identified, branded, accepted and certified by homeland security! eek! i hope you all will still continue to love me. it was all so innocent. a little booklet on public health emergencies, a 25 question review test. *sniff*

this morning was full of all kinds of surprises. i also had to give a positive hiv result. yeah. he actually responded quite well, he wasnt surprised, his girlfriend of 12 years is positive but he just decided to get tested.

sorry. me <-- debbie downer

this evening i'm having "the talk" with said roommate. sigh.

i need a martini.

oh on a positive note. i was blessed with a visit from drag and drama and their hot mom yesterday. it was superfun! mostly celeste and i pieced together conversations about pedicures that should have been and our reverse stalking while playing referee as the kiddos ran about. i decided that the kids were a good distraction. since it was like we've been internet dating for months now and finally decided to meet, there was a lot of build-up. so now that all of the mystery is gone, i have to see if she still wants to "hang out". *fingers crossed*
<-- hoping for a second date

news flash

so this fancy news story happened less than a mile from my house today. road closings meant luke couldnt get here for murray's mid-day medicate/feed/potty time. he did eventually make it around 4:30pm. good thing i had class tonight, the roads opened up just 8 minutes before i left school. by then traffic was moving well. there are however still about 30 police cars on the scene.
<--careful not to speed

in other news: my brake light is stuck on (vw service man: "it happens just gotta flip a switch, i can fix it first thing tomorrow morning, we open at 7". me: "i'll be there at 6:45") . i fiddled around with the fuses, took out the one for the break and tail lights in an effort to preserve the battery until i can get to the vw dealer in the morning.

no follow-up on the yesterday's story that roommate can't pay her rent because her wedding is more important. i have put an add on craigslist.com but i'm currently begging tlmc to come home to me this summer.

murray update: murray is no longer on pain medicine. i do not suspect that he is in any pain, but the tranquilizing effects are certainly missed as weimaraners dont do well in confined areas.

thanks for tuning in.

doggone it

so most of you have probably heard via the broadcast emails that there's been a bit of drama lately. my dog murray (aka "the cutest puppy in the whole world") had to have surgery and a bit of a hospital stay this past weekend. it seems that murray swallowed several pieces of a "kong toy" (they claim to be indestructible and "safe for tough chewers"). this didn't go over so well with his digestive system. 4 days in the hospital, 60 staples and several thousand dollars later, he's finally home. he has to stay in his crate for 2 weeks and wear a lovely lampshade-like collar. murray wasn't particularly coordinated (he gets that from me) before, so he clumsily moves around when he comes out to eat, get his medicine or go potty. i'm suffering from sleep deprivation because has to have medicine in the middle of the night (read:2am), but i'm just glad my puppy is home. he's in good spirits and really enjoyed the get well card that kristina sent. i read it to him last night (he's not much of a reader) and he licked it! aww. i set it on the floor next to his crate so he can see it. i'm still accepting donations to cover the cost of surgery or if anyone would like to volunteer to puppysit so i can get some sleep, that also would be greatly appreciated. (this picture is from christmas, the poor guy has lost 13 pounds, but i do not however, suggest ingesting pieces of hard rubber as a method of weight control)

*update 3/30/06 10:34pm. murray would also like to thank beau cartee (of the jenny and heath cartee house) for the get well card.

in other news... something more uplifting. if anyone is in the qc this weekend and looking for something fun to do, my former jr. world savers have organized a sweeeet fundraiser in noda on saturday night. drum show, drag queens and poetry. what more could you want? hope to see you there.

i should get back to work.

the doctor is in

you know how people have certain patterns in life? well, mine seems to be that i either attract or am attracted to males (well people in general) with some sort of psychological dysfunction. lets see, there was pinochipaul (or rumplestiltspaul) the compulsive liar, psycho-seth, and narcissistic stephen. there are other more minor characters in the line-up, but these are definitely the highlights. new test of psychological soundness, am i your friend? if you said yes, chances are you need help.

so now i have some new men in my life. the boys at stonewall jackson youth development center. thats right, incarcerated, teenage boys. part of my job is doing hiv/aids prevention programming, education, tutoring, and mentoring with these little darlings. some of them i have grown pretty attached to already. they just crave positive attention. they just want someone to listen to them as they vent what they're thinking about. it makes me feel needed (insert my psychosis of choice) and they seem to genuinely appreciate the time to talk. if anyone ever wants to volunteer or just hang out with "my boys" you're definitely welcome. thanks to tlmc for pointing out that what i thought was being helpful was really just an extension of own disturbing relationship patterning.

spf 4

yeah, it really does help. i put it on my face and chest but not my arms and legs. for those of you who missed me, i was in orlando this week for a conference for work. these really smart conference planners let us out at 3:30 everyday so i had ample time by the pool tuesday, wednesday and thursday. fortunately, my boss is cool like that so we had um, a "mini staff retreat" on friday (read: drinks by the pool all day before our 7:30pm flight home) . it was not very fun carrying the laptop on the sunburned shoulders to the parking spot furthest from the clt airport, but falling up the last two stairs at home... that was just the perfect ending. time for bed, right after a cold shower and gallon of aloe.

lucky you, another quiz

70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T DO KNOW ABOUT ME:

(actually, there are only 68, someone cant count)

1. DO YOU SNORE?
nope

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
lover (read: avoider of all things of conflict)

3. WHAT ARE YOUR WORST FEARS?
the unknown

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
no, but my dad was an engineer, he was always trying to “help” me, it really turned me off from legos I think

whoever made this, left out #5

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
always

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY
if by cute you mean bald.

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
it doesn’t seem i have much of a choice.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
desktop=black, laptop=silver/black

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
yep

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
no, but i often dream that i am

12. ANY SECRET TALENT?
do superhero superpowers count?

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
any beach (well thats realitively clean and unpopulated) ideally, kona, hawaii

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
that’s past my bedtime

15. CAN YOU SWIM?
yep

16. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
nope

17. DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE OZONE?
yep

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
i don’t like tootsie rolls

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
it’s the sing part that rules me out

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
mostly "in" it, not "on" it.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
yep, can you tell?

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
i prefer mechanical pencils

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
boo!

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
*fingers crossed*

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
sure why not

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
bee stings, mean people.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU "?
this morning to murray

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
on my favorite christmas ornament

and # 29

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
scramled, over well or deviled

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
ß too many blonde friends to answer.

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
as lint in the dryer filter

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
time for you to buy a watch.. ooooo

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME(s)?
i prefer “superhero allias”, the condom fairy, also qc, and heath

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
wouldn’t know havent eaten there in like 5 years

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
about 3 hours ago

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
i don’t discriminate bathing practices

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
yep, saw him at the mall a few months ago

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
very much

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
only when its light inside, and dark outside

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
sleep

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
i don’t eat peanut butter

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
no, but i can crack tlmc’s (that sounded so dirty)

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
nope

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
twice (its 11am)

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
no way! better living through chemicals!

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER
not at all

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
brown (the color of poo)

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
sure, right now (now don’t make me sad!)

51. WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?
than mine?

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
no, but i do have espn.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
vocal cord

55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
don’t believe so

56. DO YOU LOVE SOMEBODY?
you!

57. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDNT?
not currently, but i definitely have

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
occassionally (don’t lie, you do too)

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
yep

60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
that question is too sexist to answer

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
well, i know it to be real (product of it) but its not a fun thing

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
pfft

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
only in spelling and relationships

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
its colder in this office than it is outside

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE
a banana

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
not usually

67. HAVE YOU EVER STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
tlmc’s 21’st birthday

68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIALS?
um, i’m too easily amused to find them annoying i guess.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
nope

70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
rubber

easy like sunday morning

to put to rest your worries that i would not be posting anymore, it was merely a threat, in hopes that tee would post... obviously, it didnt work.

well its week two of 'insanity at 0-500 hours'. and yes, i managed to get to the gym 6 times last week. impressive huh? saturday i didnt get there until 8, but thats because they dont open until then. slackers. but, by noon i had been to the gym, to the grocery store and got a new toilet installed. man what a busy morning! ok *the following is for female readers only, so if you're male or easily skeeved out by talks of feminine hygiene, please proceed to the next paragraph.* do not, under any circumstances, flush a tampon applicator. even if it says its flushable. it is not! i dropped $300 on a new toilet (oh add another $150 for the two times before that i had it augered). dont ask how or why, just trust me. true, owning a house means signing up for a lifetime of unexpected expenses, but some of them are preventable. thank you. this public service annoucement has been brought to you by roger the plumber. oh and according to roger, the only thing that breaks toilets more than tampon applicators is little toy cars.

now back to regular programming.
i would like to take this opportunity to endorse some of my favorite things. i have recently turned several friends onto products, services, and what not. that have now become so integrated into my life, i feel obligated to give them a little shout out.
1. ipod. duh.
2. bare escentuals. (converts: jennifer mills, jane ellis, tlmc and celeste... and growing)
3. threading.
4. lost. a must see for every conspiracy theorist
5. new favorite recipe.
6. welcome to moe's!
7. footgasm.
8. jenny cartee pottery.

an update on my new year's resolutions.
1. financially responsible decisions--check! now only eating out twice a week or less, new shorter commute cut gas bill to one-third, will not buy clothes until april
2. new job--yep!
3. realize that i am not defined by my job--so true, i love my new job, but it no longer takes over my life.
4. volunteering--still working on that (this of course was directly related to being unemployed)
5. relationship status--boy this has been a real roller coaster lately, but i've learned a lot about myself. this time is for me.
6. washing my face--so far in 2006, i have only not done this 3 times.
7. spend more time reading than watching tv--i have definitely picked up books more in the past 3 months than i did in the past 3 years. but i'm still addicted to the food network.
8. saying no--wow, this proved to be harder than i thought. especially in the relationship department, but i am starting to realize it was the right thing, even if i do feel crappy about it (he's still not speaking to me btw)
9. get physical!--eek! obviously suffering from psychosis (see above)
10. make new friends--this has taken off more than i could imagine.

the right to be ignorant

i read this disturbing article on msn. i can't say that i'm at all surprised though. i'll spare you the rant about how dumb americans are, but rather gloat that i got both questions right.

who knew?

ok so some of you have commented that my last post wasn't exactly the feel-good-post-of-the-year. i appreciate your kind words and support, so i thought i'd post something a little more uplifting.

sunday i joined peak fitness. (when you stop laughing i'll continue)...

waiting...

...ahem

anyway, i got up this morning at went to the gym at 5am. crazy i know! but i enjoyed it. besides a little tightening in my calves, i'm feeling pretty good. because celeste inspires me with her pictures i thought i'd share this one.

its a real book too. i'm not really moving anywhere, but its for the visual effect.

karma, is that you?

more times than i care to recount, i've been on the receiving end of the "let's just be friends conversation". its probably one of my least favorite things in the whole world. but now, there is something even further down on the list--being the one to have to say it. it sucks. i can't be sure that all of the boys that have handed me the 'just friends' card in years past have gone through the emotional torment that i have, being the dealer this time. but having to tell someone that is a genuinely nice person, that despite their wonderful qualities, that you just dont see a dating relationship in the future is... its... ugh, it just makes me so sad. i feel like such a jerk. i hate confrontation in general. just ask tlmc. we avoided conflict until it was painful. so im wondering if me being sad is bad karma? or if its just because im over sensitive?

on top of all that, last night i replied to my grandmother's 8th email of the day (the family regrets teaching her how to use a computer) warning me of the "life is beautiful virus [via powerpoint]", which followed the email asking me to put my name on the list and copy and paste the email and send it to all my friends for a 'kid's project for school', which came just an hour after the 'beware of lipstick that contain lead' email. i felt compelled to tell her that none of that stuff was true, i sent her a link to snopes.com and told her that we appreciated that she cared about us, our hard drives and the kid's school project so much, but that 99% of what she sends us just isn't true.

so now i feel like heather stewart--dream crusher. i deserve to be stoned to death. now i know why so many people lie, its much less painful.

cinders and ashes

so i’ve been catching a lot of flack for being such a slack poster. project optimism has even cleverly been renamed ‘project neverposting’ be tee. what can i say, i’m bland and boring. i do have a new favorite website. what did we do before we couldn’t know everything whenever we wanted? i am pretty excited about the new kicks though. cute and comfy (well as cute as can be expected on a hall where everyone else but me wears scrubs everyday).

i continue to enjoy my new job. eventually you don’t even notice the screams from young children down the hall getting their early childhood immunizations. i don’t suppose you never get used to hearing gossip about how the owner of the local italian restaurant is getting treated for tuberculosis. no one here eats there anymore.

sunday afternoon while i was demonstrating my keen procrastinating skills, i stopped on tnt to watch die hard with a vengeance. samuel l. jackson and bruce willis are so badass. my favorite part was definitely enjoying the creative ways they (whoever ‘they’ are) had dubbed over the movie’s ‘too obscene for network tv’ lingo. my favorite being the several times that samuel refered to bruce as a “white racist melon farmer”. melon farmer! ha! still makes me laugh. what a nicer place the world would be if people would use words like that. hats off to thomas the tank engine for providing me with my second favorite set of by-words, ‘cinders and ashes’. next time you want to express your extreme dissatisfaction with a person or situation, try one of those on for size.

things that make you go hmmm...?

so the first full week at the new job was great. i really heart it there. and i got word on friday that they are going to paint my purple cave sometime next week. i do miss having a window and i'll definitely be investing in some comfortable and practical shoes soon. working in the communicable disease clinic part of the health department has resulted in some very interesting conversations. i imagine that most people dont get to hear what i hear on a daily basis. let me share a few examples.

scene one: front desk, in broken english/spanish
nurse: "and your social security number ma'am?"
patient: [something in spanish]
nurse: "oh you dont have one, no problem"

scene two: std pre-test counseling session
me: "do you have a primary or main partner"
patient: "yeah i'm married"
me: "how many partners have you had in the last 6 months?"
patient: "um, like at least 4 maybe"
me: "are your partners male, female or both?"
patient: "umm... both"
me: "do you use protection?"
patient: "uhh if i did, would i be here?"

i think my favorite part of my job is definitely going to be working at stonewall jackson youth development center. i'll be there about 10 hours a week, doing hiv/std prevention programming, tutoring and mentoring. they remind me a lot of my stepbrother (rip). very different from the kids at north meck, or you fancy science and math school kids. they may have sorted pasts, but they just want some positive attention. i think its cool.

i should also mention that tuesday is single people's oppression day. celebrate by wearing all black, drink yourself silly with your other single friends and of course, make snide comments to your annoyingly in love friends.

thats all i can muster for now. the crappy winter weather is sucking the will to create right out of me.

crash

so clearly i scandalized the blogging community, or at least the 3 of you, when i mentioned said "cute boy" in my last post. lest anyone be deceived that a nice, decent, guy actually be interested in me, said "cute boy" will hereby be referred to as "mean boy 562986" in that the day following his chivalrousness, he sent an email professing his undying disinterest. fear not, i will return to being the same boring, old spinster that you know and heart.

im still trying to pick myself up. as you could imagine. friday was quite a high for me. and somewhere around 6:30pm yesterday i crashed, hard. against the advisement of tlmc and at the astonishment of celeste, i was able to pull myself together and compose a brief and rather genial email, thanking mean boy 562986 for his time and his honesty and wishing him well. it did go through several drafts, which celeste pointed out where the real healing is. tlmc thought that i should go with anger, a much healthier emotion in her opinion, but its just not one im really able to tap into. and then she said the sweetest thing, "if a person is going to have a flaw, being nice is probably the best one to have". and tlmc probably knows me better than anyone, so that meant a lot.

im determined to get my taxes done today, with the help of turbo tax, figure out how to take back what is mine. i will allow myself one frivolous purchase, and the rest goes in savings. i'm thinking this might have to be a new dvd player, seeing as i dont think i get as much out of my new workout video when i have to stop 5 times to reset it.

on with the day.

currently listening: fiona apple, extraordinary machine

a good day to live

of course, everyone wants to know about my first day at the new job. it was great! :) the nice nurses in the cd (communicable disease) department made me a cake. it said "welcome heather" on it in green gel icing. my lilac office was decorated with homemade welcome signs, construction paper figurines and a basket of condoms and candy, of course (its an std clinic, what do you expect?). the occasional stranger from across the building would come over and say "oh you must be the new girl, i heard there was cake". the biggest surprise was finding that one of my christmas cards (the cute ones with murray on them) was taped to the front of my door with a speech bubble sign saying "hope you like the color purple". i sent becky, cd nurse/case manager, whom i know from my old job, a christmas card, and she put it on my door to make me feel at home. aww.

this morning i dutifully made a lunch to take with me, but found out i had to attend a 'health initiatives team' meeting and they had it catered with yummy salads from o'charleys. over lunch i realized that one of the women in the meeting looked strangely familiar. we had gone to daycare together probably 15-20 years ago. once i confirmed her identity, she said "oh my gosh we used to have sleepovers at your house". man, what a small world.

the other highlight of my day was getting a tb test. not everyone gets a shot on their first day at a new job. i hope i pass, we should know on monday.

after my fun filled first day, i was delighted at my 17 minute commute home (better than the hour from my previous job). and the fun didnt end there. in the midst of recounting my fun day to several buddies on im, i got a phone call from a cute boy standing at my door to surprise me with flowers. he took me to dinner.

it was a good day. :)

sugar and spice

i've recently learned that my readership is much larger than my precious commenters. a shout out to my fans who haven't yet graced us with their comments. kristin friend in the windy city, or should i say "big gastonia", lauren hill proudly in blue heaven, heath cartee who protects the city of pleasant living, and there's ian, lane and whoever else is out there.

sunday i visited my grandfolk in clover, sc. i found out something a little disturbing. my great grandmother got married when she was 14 and great uncle lacy came only a year later. eek! my grandmother got married at 16, and of course my mom got married at 18. i am severely under-performing. to this, i say- oh well.

last night was eventful. i actually went out. i know, and on a week night? *gasp* thats ok, i'm sure my social life is about to come to a screeching halt once the new jobs starts, friday. :)
so peyton, from my old job, invited me to go to cabo fish taco for dinner and then to see her roommate play at the evening muse. i feel bad because peyton asks me to go out with her like every week and i always say no, its usually places not really my style. so being a big fan of cabo and the muse, i agreed to go. she aslo said "bring whoever" (trying to pack the house so her roommate can pay rent, no doubt). i invited kristina and tripp. kristina sadly couldn't make it, she's a teacher, they have a lot of shit to do. tee nat whined because he was afraid he was going to be the only boy there and not know anyone. i assured him that the only person i knew was peyton and told him not to be afraid of strangers. well, scott (from the band) joined us for dinner but had to peace out early. somewhere around the third el cheapo margarita (no really, thats what its called) tee nat realized that he was sitting with 5 cute females. it most definitely looked like a meeting of the tee nat fan club, to which he commented "i wish everyone i knew would walk in right now". the conversation was lively, from ultrasound machines and gyno's to insulin pumps and choo choo trains (one of the girls, amy, she's a train conductor, but she was a little scary). by the end of the night leigh and peyton were practically begging tee nat to go a cruise with them in may. he's such a pimp.

so today is the first day of february. crazy huh? i think im going to do my taxes today, you know, make myself feel important. oh and if anyone has a graphing calculator lying around, can i borrow it? i need one for class. i haven't seen mine in years, but i'd rather not spend $100 on one. ok, and brrr, its cold outside. i think its time for my morning nap.

ciao!

addendum

in a conversation with tlmc, i realized that i had left out some rather odd facts about myself. feel free to substitute these for any of the more boring ones in the last post.

a. i had my first real kiss in a church, i was 15, he was 19. he became my first boyfriend
b. i have a serious superman fetish
c. i have a thing for red headed boys
d. i dont like peanut butter or popcorn
e. i find it very attractive when boys wear toboggans
f. i believe that is important to name inanimate objects, like my car, 'twink', or tlmc's car, 'the sex pistol'
g. i had my first drink of scotch when i was 3
h. i joined udoc, just for the scholarship money
i. my indian name is 'little princess running water'
j. i have a birthmark on my butt

ha, how about them apples
any better?

copy cat

100 things you never wanted to know about me.

1. i totally stole this from celeste
2. i'm not really very creative
3. i'm tone deaf too
4. i have a lot of creative/artsy friends
5. i've been in 8 weddings
6. none of which, were my own
7. however, i've been proposed to 3 times
8. i'm glad none of those worked out
9. tlmc and i almost qualified for common law marriage
10. i miss her
11. i am an only child
12. but i wasn't spoiled
13. i was almost named after a famous clemson football coach (but then i was born a girl)
14. frank howard called me francis until he died
15. i won 4th place in the state science fair in 6th grade
16. i practiced pavlov's conditioning on goldfish
17. i went to jim and tammy bakker's high school
18. the one year i was a cheerleader, we weren't allowed to go to competition because our skirts were too short
19. i was student council president my jr. and sr. years
20. 95% of the guys i have dated have 4 letter names
21. a lot of my early boyfriends shared names with the authors of the new testament, matthew, mark, luke, john and paul
22. that kind of creeps me out
23. my first job ever was a ymca camp counselor
24. my favorite job ever was a demo chef for calphalon cookware
25. i like to piddle in the kitchen
26. i grow my own herbs, the legal kind
27. i have a red mailbox
28. i have owned 3 volkswagens
29. i have never had a cavity
30. i brush my teeth at least 3 times a day
31. i find this a little ocd
32. but i believe oral hygiene is important
33. the week before i got my braces off, i broke my nose playing softball (age, 15)
34. i am not a big fan of snow skiing
35. i grew up in south charlotte, near lake wylie
36. i still live in charlotte, just the other side of town
37. my family is famous for its fried chicken
38. i only started eating tomatoes a year or so ago
39. i still dont like mushrooms or olives
40. cheese is my t-total favoritest food
41. i believe all other foods are just a vehicle by which cheese can be delivered
42. i went through a phase when i was about 6 years old where all i wanted to eat was hotdogs and spinach
43. i still heart spinach
44. i am the first person on my dad's side of the family to graduate from college
45. my dad's parents are affectionately known as "maw maw and paw paw"
46. on valentines day, they'll celebrate their 65 anniversary
47. i think that is pretty impressive
48. my mom won a prize in a photo contest for time life magazine for a picture of my dad and i on the beach
49. that picture is sitting on my dresser
50. my bedroom furniture is over 150 years old
51. i heart it
52. my great, great grandfather made it
53. fall is my favorite season
54. i dont like salty foods
55. i dont drink coke (read:soda)
56. i am very sensitive to caffeine
57. but i have a weakness for sweet tea
58. i am very allergic to cigarette smoke
59. i dont really have much of a temper
60. an ex of mine broke up with me because i was "too nice"
61. i'm never dating another marine
62. i think thunderstorms are sexy
63. my favorite physical features of boys are shoulders and smiles
64. i too, have danced on the bar in charlotte
65. tlmc was usually with me
66. i stood on a table in ri ra on my 21st birthday and led the crowd in singing happy birthday to me.
67. i thought i was something
68. in college, tlmc and i thought all boys should have nicknames, my favorites were thugalicious and fuckface
69. during the holidays, i wrote "ho ho ho" with christmas lights in the windows of our campus apartment
70. i got a busted lip from jim maxwell (who now plays for the san francsico 49ers) during a snowball fight
71. i blame celeste for wasting my morning
72. i would like to meet her someday
73. my dad would like me to move to atl
74. its a little out of my price range
75. and i dont have enough equity to make it worth it
76. and i'm just getting my house the way i really want it (after 3 years)
77. murray is a funny dog
78. he was a "get over your bad break-up present" from luke
79. i heart murray
80. i am nervous and excited about starting my new job next week
81. my new office is painted purple
82. that is not my favorite color
83. i'm not really a fan of pink either
84. i think my favorite colors are blue and green
85. and orange, of course
86. but i mostly wear black
87. i'm not goth or emo or anything
88. i just find that black is easy, it requires little thought
89. my car matches my dog
90. my first concert was new kids on the block
91. my second was aerosmith and four non-blondes
92. i am not a fan of country music
93. i named my ipod 'lil lil guy'
94. when i was a kid a lot of my stuff came from ll bean and i called it 'lil lil bean'
95. i believe i've been making this list for over an hour
96. i'm sorry im not cool like celeste and putting in a lot of links
97. i think t-nat should make a list
98. i doubt tlmc will, she's a busy girl
99. i have something that i need to take back to the uncc library by 11am
100. ha, i'm done, sweeeeeeeet

wow, ok, so yeah, that was a lot harder than i thought it would be. maybe i'm just a boring person.

celebrate

happy birthday mozart!

supposedly davidson college is having a concert tonight and it will end with everyone singing happy birthday to the dead guy and a big cake with 250 candles.

better than rain

today i took my drug test for my new job. its hard to pee in a cup with someone watching. that was not fun. i am getting really excited about the job though, but its going to be hard to give up all of this freedom. i start next friday, 2/3. and all of a sudden i'm realizing that i haven't done all of the home improvement projects i wanted to get done on my little vacation. why did i have to be so damn ambitious?

tlmc's post about how boys don't like smart girls came true in vivid color tonight. i was watching abc around 8:45pm (so as not to miss even the first second of lost) and on whatever new goobery show they have on now, one of the characters actually said:

"who would want to date a smart girl anyway? they're too much work. let's say you put your hand on a smart girl's ass, she's going to start asking you all sorts of annoying questions like 'why the hell is your hand on my ass?' whereas if you put your hand on a dumb girl's ass and tell her you want to be an astronaut, bam! you're in".

sigh.

on a more encouraging note, im feeling more and more empowered everyday. its coming out in little ways. i finished a book, i've officially rid myself of one very unhealthy relationship, i confronted someone who was getting on my nerves and i recently told someone who asked me to do something for them, no. oh and i'm making some new friends. ;)

those of you have known me a while will appreciate this story. a dear friend of mine, aaron parker, called me today. he and his partner keith recently bought a house together and were out celebrating at eddie's neighborhood bar. while they were there aaron noticed an um, old boyfriend of mine, paul (aka pinochipaul or rumplestiltspaul) working in the kitchen. despite paul's best efforts to avoid eye contact, aaron eventually said, "hey paul, remember me from g-dubb? i was good friends with heather". aaron said that all of the blood drained out of paul's face. so aaron, being the good friend he is said "yeah too bad you didnt marry her, she's doing awesome, she's hot and loaded". i love having gay guy friends.

random: there is a new movie coming out and its about gastonia, nc. go figure.

yay for the new job!

wow, ok so i managed to not go bankrupt during unemployment, but did almost wet my pants when they called and offered me the job today. that was possibly the most nerve-racking time ever. will post more later, but for now, i'm taking myself out to dinner.

please sir can i have some more

so for now, being unemployed still kinda feels like a long weekend. i am making a concerted effort to a.) get out of bed before 8am, b.)bathe and dress, c.)leave the house for at least 3 hours and d.)not take a nap. so far so good. i think this weekend i start on the virtually endless number of hgtv projects. ex-work only called 4 times today, so i think they're figuring it out. my strategy, if they leave something i feel they really can't figure out if they try, i'll call back, late, and leave some vague idea on the voicemail. if its just pleading, yeah, they get nothing. good news today though. interview (scroll down to "program coordinator 1") on monday. very excited. we'll see.

in other news, the new roommate, mccamy is getting married sometime (date subject to the whim of them), she officially asked me to be a bridesmaid. sigh. 100 times a bridesmaid, never a bride. although i do have to say the dress does qualify as one of the favorite of the other dozen or so that are um (to steal from celeste) *fakecoughsoakedinchampagneandwaddedupinthefloorofmycloset*. yeah. i think the price is a little stiff, so hopefully tlmc will agree to have the same one. because lets face it "its cute, and something you can wear again" is something that all brides tell their maids just so they dont feel so guilty about making their poor, unemployed friends spend $240.00 for the pleasure of being in their wedding-see fake cough line above). its kinda hard, im not a good enough person to live with someone who is planning a wedding and who has a serious princess complex about it. im just not sympathetic at all. and ok, im a little bitter. im trying to realize that this is just a test of resolution #5.

other bummed out purchase of the week. yeah dont be jealous.

*deep breath*

with the encouragement of tlmc i did make one redeeming purchase. *giggles*

now singing

because im cool like that

ok so i'm totally giving into peer pressure. and now that i have free time on my hands i feel like i can waste a little here and there. i present... nothing you ever wanted to know about me.

4 jobs you've (i've) had in my life (as opposed to someone else's?)
camp counselor
demo chef
sales lead (read:assistant manager for this fine company)
program coordinator
.... does superhero count? i think that's more my lifelong career.

4 places i've lived
charlotte, nc (3 different addresses)
boiling springs, nc (2 different dorms)
huntersville, nc
... really, thats it.

4 movies i could watch over and over again
phantom of the opera
rent (is there a pattern?)
french kiss
princess bride

4 t.v. shows i heart
food 911
how to boil water (again with the pattern)
good eats (different pattern)
lost

4 places i've been on vacation
kona, hawaii
destin, fl
hilton head
mashantucket, ct

4 places i surf to daily
cash flow
job hunting
duh
oh fug it all

4 favorite foods
cheese (all kinds)
chocolate
anything mexican
spinach

4 places i'd rather be right this minute
on the way to cash my winning lottery ticket
on the couch with tlmc
in bed
here: (yeah, i took that picture for real, in hawaii)

for my fans

so here i am, the eve of my first day of official unemployment (today was a holiday and most people were off so i'm not counting it). a lot has happened since my last post. we'll start with work, my last week at work was pretty rough. i put in a solid 65 hours. the thursday before my last day i worked from 7am until almost midnight. the next day i got in an argument with a co-worker and i told her to drop it that i wasn't going to take it, i said my good-byes and peaced out. for now i've lined up quite a few well-paying babysitting jobs and managed to get a lot of good feedback from some personal, professional contacts i've made the past few years. so here's to feeling optimistic!

i spent the weekend in altanta, it was a nice retreat. surrounded by quasi-family (dad's girlfriend and her fam), i celebrated, relaxed, and played. there was wine and chocolate and some fabulous italian cooking. they want me to move there. hmmm?

after my post on tuesday, jan. 10. i began to feel much stronger, at least in my battles with men anyway. i even considered swearing off physical and emotional attachments to men in general, especially new interests. one of the mentioned, "type 1" examples realized he had been named. i felt badly, but only for a second. since he's been mysteriously polite and not all sex-pursuing (at least not with me) lately. one of the mentioned "type 2" i had, since the post, cut off from all communication, until today when he emailed to say that he wasn't really sleeping the 43 year old woman, that he only told me he was as a joke, but they were "dating" (this is a creepy relationship for more than the age thing, she's the mother of the special needs kids he works with). oh and he didnt apologize, he just said that the sleeping together part was a joke, i replied, "wow, that joke really turned out to be not so funny".

i dont know where all this self assuredness is coming from, but it feels nice to have it back.

i do want to give an update on my resolutions.
#1. make financially responsible decisions--definitely in progress. i haven't paid for a meal out in 6 days, i think that's a good start.
#2. find a new job--working on this one too. i sent out 11 applications last week.
#3. realize that i am not defined by my job--this is easier now that i dont have one.
#4. volunteering--check! i even got invited to be on the foundation for the carolinas emerging philanthropist board *grins*
#5. realize i am not defined by relationship status--this is a daily battle, but i'm feeling more encouraged.
#6. wash my face every night before bed--so far have only failed to this twice, and it was when i felt really crappy (one night i cried all my make-up off, does that count?)
#7. spend more time reading than watching tv--so far so good, i dont know the exact ratio, but its definitely better than it was.
#8. learn to stand up for myself and say no--i think friday paula was a little surprised when i told her to forget it when she made a stubborn last request before i left.
#9. be more physically active--um, does walking in heals count?
#10. make new friends--i did flirt with the waiter at aspens in alt and i came within about 10 hours of meeting celeste.

volunteering starts tomorrow, i'm helping out my friend amelia in her classroom. i guess i should be getting to bed. ttfn.

for celeste

this is the only man i will allow myself to be emotionally attached to, at least for a while.

this is the first day that murray was home. at least now he doesn't pee in the house.

i dont understand... the start of a revolution

im so frustrated, i dont even know where to start. ive been fumbling over the words to this post for hours now. and this is all i have. friday is my last day at the this job and i want to walk away and never look back. i dont understand why boys are so mean and hateful. spent probably a grand total of 3 or 4 hours on the phone with tlmc last night, mostly just me sobbing, wondering why my life is falling apart. aside from work and my relationship with my mom and everything else, mims comforted me by concluding that there are two types of boys. type 1, we will call lane or travis: this is the most common type, only interested in sex, will exhibit manipulative behavior to get what he wants. failure to comply results in pouting, arguing or insulting indifference. out of a desire for attention or to feel wanted, women will sometimes engage in the "game" whether or not they comply with the ultimate request. type 2, the casey or jason: this type is quick to develop a "friendship" based on the female's ability to satisfy some type of emotional or intellectual need for the male. if the female mentions that she is interested in more than a platonic friendship, the male often responds in a way that while masked by the appearance of noble sincerity, is ultimately heart breaking. the "i just want to be friends" card. this roughly translates means "i want to sleep with other people (i.e. 18 or 43 year olds), without any emotional attachment and continue to exploit you and your feelings for me to meet my needs".

my eyes are swollen and burning from last night's sobfest. i plan to muster up all my energy and make some new resolutions... later. for now i will drown myself in what needs to be done here at work.

back by popular demand...

so happy new year! *coughs* (takes a swig of nyquil)

*sigh*
in case you haven't heard as of friday, january 13 i no longer work at the regional hiv/aids consortium. in a toxic mix of funding issues, mismanagement, and general unhappiness... its the best move for me right now. i dont have any concrete plans, but im diligently applying for jobs and looking for odds and ends to pay the bills.

early tuesday morning, miriam left. it made me really sad. we didnt live like rock stars or anything while she was here, but i was so happy that she was with me. i was so content just sitting talking to her for hours. conversations like we used to have every day, but have been absent for months now. i miss her a lot. i hope she comes back more often, it feels better when we're together. and i want to meet this casey guy (aka miriam's sweet baboo, yes that's her in the picture). by the way, she's also now ranked like 3rd in the first year law school student class at florida state. i'm so proud.

one of my jr. world savers is quitting and that makes me sad. i've done a lot of damage control trying to keep the rest of the team from falling to pieces. i become very invested in them, not just as a program, but emotionally invested in them as individuals.

so with all of this chaos one might ask me how i can still champion the cause of optimism. well, mostly because i choose to. i believe part of being liberated includes exercising to the greatest extent possible, personal choice over all situations. i dont like the way it feels when i feel oppressed by my context, so i choose to have the power over it, and if i cant change or control it, i can change how i respond to it so that it doesnt make me sad. so do i totally sound like a self-help book or what? i'm ok with that. i believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and i this time, i dont think its a train.

news flash: t-nat is no longer in hiding. the cia/nsa/gop/etc. have been evaded.

and mccamy (the roommate) finally got her diamond ring. i'm trying to be a good person, she told me she was worried i'd be mad at her. i told her not to take it personally, i'm just bitter.

starting over

in the true spirit of the new year, i thought i’d post some resolutions. first honoring my favorite resolution-maker, bridget jones.

“1: uggg - will obviously loose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.”... (ok well maybe a sexaholic wouldn't be so bad... as long as he was faithful... ) :)


a few of my own resolutions… trying desperately to avoid things like “lose weight” and “find a boyfriend” (although those are always top of the list, i don’t want to set myself up for disappointment).

1. make financially responsible decisions
2. find a new job (and fast)
3. realize that i am not defined by my job
4. spend time volunteering for something i feel strongly about, but not related to work
5. realize i am not defined by relationship status
6. wash my face every night before bed
7. spend more time reading than watching tv
8. learn to stand up for myself and say no
9. be more physically active
10. make new friends

on an unrelated note... what will you do with your leap second?

happy new year everyone!

fo shizzle

new favorite website

enough said

(thanks to tlmc for this)

3rd time's the charm...

my fan club has suggested that tlmc and i co-author a post. (thank you fan club for that vote of confidence). i am so happy to have mims in town. the first night she was here we stayed up until almost 3:30am just talking, mostly about boys (big surprise). mims is smitten with this guy casey, its cute to hear her talk about him. "christmas morning" (dec. 27) was fun, mims was so surprised to get her ipod. it made me happy to get her something she liked so much.

i went to kohl's today and while piddling through the throw rugs, i caught myself maneuvering to get a better look at the stranger across the way with red hair. i know its weird, but i really am attracted to boys with red hair. strange i know, but then again, i never claimed not to be.

tonight we went to dinner at midtown, ate half-priced fajitas and contemplated playing bar trivia. in the absence of friendly competition, the conversation quickly digressed to sex and politics, and the politics of sex, double standards, taboos... no big surprise. now we're sitting on the couch eating truffles, watching lost and trying desperately to remember some of the points of wit and wisdom that we chuckled over loudly. as we got up to leave our waiter told us to have a good night and without thought we chimed together "you too!" mims pointed out how odd it was that we always automatically reply to casual well wishes with "you too!", "have a nice flight", "you too!", "enjoy your meal", "you too!" even if the other person isnt flying, eating or in the position to have a good evening. (ok, so its much funnier to hear miriam say "you too!" in her quasi-rain-man-esque voice, you'll have to take my word for it)

its christmas again!

again i woke up before 8am, my internal clocking working against me. with nothing productive in mind, i waddled downstairs for the morning dog ritual. i curled up on the couch wading through many infomercials and settled on watching the hebrew hammer, a funny movie, irreverent in every way. about 10am something came over me, an uncontrollable urge to clean, but not just vacuum and straighten the pillows clean, an urge to purge. i started with the kitchen pantry, a catch-all for things that dont have a place like the lint roller or the picture frame without glass, plug-in air fresheners, not to mention canned food past its prime and half eaten stale bags of chips. i purged and cleaned, emptying out old food, flushing it down the disposal and tossing the empty cans and jars into the recycling bin. i filled a box full of unused house wares, a fondue set, white mixing bowls and an old coffee maker to take to goodwill. hearing the low roar of the garbage truck i hurled two heavy garbage bags full of recycling out to the street along with the little red bin. making my through the living room and kitchen, i tossed out half-burned candles that i dont use anymore, old mail and those little bags with spare bulbs for the christmas lights. upstairs i began working on my bathroom closet, throwing out half-used bottles from the bubbler and scores of free samples and shampoo from hotels.

i sat down to chat with friends online and began to wonder what brought on this frenzy. yes, miriam is coming today, but as sam pointed out why clean for mims? i think after some emotional upheaval last night from a not fun conversation with my mom followed by a troubling and yet empowering talk with an ex, i felt the need to take some control over the clutter in my life, emotional and tangible. i've always been one to clean, even worse than this, during times of emotional distress. at least its productive. the christmas present i'm giving myself today is a little bit of control and a healthy dose of sanity.

miriam just called, she was a little late leaving, but should be here around 6. i'm very excited. we're doing "christmas morning" tomorrow. we'll wake up early and i'll fix a big breakfast of something exotic. we'll open presents, drink champagne until we're silly and spend hours curled up on the couch talking about how mean boys are and how we need to write that book... just like old times.

merry christmas!

i wish you all peace, love, and adventure in the coming year.

in the meantime here's a fun christmas game, find out your secret christmas name

love,
cuddly floppy-stockings

big day

today, for all practical purposes, is christmas... at least for me and my family. the price's are a wonderful clan. so down to earth and funloving. we always have christmas a few days before so as not to force anyone to have to make those difficult 'where-do-we-go-for-christmas?' decisions. andrei came home from the airforce last night to much fanfare. the family is anxious to see if he'll be giving mccamy a diamond ring before he leaves to go back. tonight could be pure but lighthearted chaos. 30 people or so will cram into my aunt and uncle's house across town, we're having festive holiday lasagna tonight (hey, its hard to feed that many people). there will be a lot of digital cameras, children whining about how it takes the adults to long to eat (because they just want to get to the present opening you know) and other general silliness.

i must be off, i have artichoke dip to make and a visit to get my hair did.

merry fake christmas!

oh and mims will be here in 2 days (she's going to be so excited to see the puppy i got her!)

ta da!

so a few weeks ago i told the tragic story of my dead oven. well, now there is a new oven in my life and its very shiny. thanks to dad, louise, maw maw and paw paw for making this happen (and sears too). i have many presents left to wrap so this post won't be long. by popular demand, my new oven!

spreading cheer

so the cutest puppy in the whole world and i have been busy getting out our christmas cards this week and we have a few left over and invite anyone who would like to receive a christmas card from us to leave your name and address as a comment or email it to heathernc@hotmail.com and we'll be happy to put one in the mail to you.

cheers!

mixed emotions...

a big fat YAY for being done with this semester and a big shiny YAY for the new stove! i'm so exhausted... mentally, physically, emotionally... i don't know if i'm coming or going. i wrote my letter of resignation for my job. not that actually plan on turning it in anytime soon (not until another superhero position becomes open anyway), but i feel like its an emotional release, me giving myself permission to move on... i do love what i do, its just a lot... and the culture is just awful. its not fun to work 50+ hours a week and come home sobbing everyday. so we'll see what the future holds, but for now its time for bed.

pixie dust

ok, not to sound bi-polar or anything, but i'm feeling less sad face today and thought i would spread some new optimistic energy around.

so i took some time wednesday to spend with my junior world savers sorting toys at the salvation army christmas bureau, where all the toys from angel trees and donations all over the county are sorted to bring a little bit of [insert winter holiday observance of your choice here] cheer to less fortunate kids and families. in a poorly lit, unheated abandoned walmart in south charlotte i was brought to tears at the outpouring of humanity and generosity as i watched (and helped) unload cars and vans and big huge boxes from individuals, families, corporations, and church groups of clothes and toys and food and just about anything that anyone could ever need or want. and these toys weren't cheap plastic dollar store action figures, but leapfrog learning toys and brand new clothes from old navy and the gap. and the bicycles, ohmygod the freaking bicycles. i was told there was about 5,000 bicycles (most of which i moved and labeled) all donated. holy toledo batman! it was unbelievable. no one made people or corporations give stuff, but they did it on their own. and not by filling a shoebox and shipping it overseas to get lost on the black market, these toys are going to kids and families in our own city. wow. i found out later in the day that there over 10,000 kids who were registered with the angel tree project and each one of them was guaranteed 2-3 toys and 2-3 pieces of clothing... each piece donated by a stranger.

i'm not at all saying that its important to teach young children to expect expect expensive electronics or name brand clothes every christmas, but to me what stood out is that just when you think that society has completely sold out to the commercialism of it all, to see that many people who remember that the greatest joy is in the giving... sigh... happy face :)

another fun note of interest is that we have a new financial director at work. she's so calm and practical (she sorta sticks out in our field, but its a good balance). she's probably in her mid-40's, single, into yoga and meditation. she has subtle and sarcastic sense of humor which i enjoy. late last friday afternoon she and i were the only ones left at the office and she casually walked in my office to "ask me a few questions". i thought perhaps about the financials for my grant or something. she picked up a condom and while looking somewhat uncomfortable, asked me to "fill [her] in on this whole AIDS thing". so i started with the elevator speech, basics about how you can and can't get it... yada yada yada... she listened intently and looked very relieved when i said you couldn't get it from kissing. without prompting, she mentioned that she might be getting into some "kissing and cuddling" this weekend and having been out of the dating circle for about 20 years she wasn't really sure what exactly the "deal" was. after all of the technical stuff she told me that she had sorta started dating this guy in her yoga class. she went on to say how she'd known him for years but never found him really physically attractive, but the more she got to know him the more she was attracted to him personally... deeper than physical attraction and that because of this emotional and intellectual attraction she now felt the desire to be more physically intimate with him. she shared with me that she hadn't so much as kissed anyone since her divorce 20 years ago. immediately i was delighted to know that i wasn't the only one who operated this way. call it prude or repressive or whatever... but i feel less alone knowing that someone else out there feels the way i do about the subject of physical attraction. just because i don't have overwhelming animalistic urges to pounce men with square jawlines (ok, maybe in college, but i'm more mature now) doesn't mean i'm not a sexual being or that i'm a lesbian (as some may suggest), it just means it takes more than biceps to get my attention.

tuesday (i was out sick on monday) i asked her how the date went. she beamed and told me it was amazing. that kissing and cuddling on the couch was the highlight of the evening and that it made her feel alive (or at least a part of her she thought was dead). i thought for a minute about how quickly that part gets skipped over or at least not given the attention it deserves. the power of touch or a kiss with someone that appeals to you more than physically is so powerful. i'm happy for my friend. i hope i don't have to wait 20 years, but i do want to feel that again. and for the moment at least i'm not sad about being single, i'm happy that a really cool person like my accountant friend has found someone.

ok, its past my bedtime... and tomorrow is friday.

gray skies

so i haven't been my normal optimistic self lately. i don't know if its the weather or holidays or looming finals or what. i have decided that i'm definitely not cut out to live alone. my roommate is gone a lot lately almost never spending the night here, when i leave for work its dark, when i come home its dark. all my friends are married or live hours away. my cell phone and instant messenger, my only connection to the outside world. not that i ever feel like being social anyway. i'm sad because i'm alone and too sad or tired to do anything about it. i have my first full size christmas tree since i was 11. its very festive, fun old family ornaments, star themed ones that were gifts from friends and a plethora of multicolored bows made from the ribbon that tied bridemaids' bouquets from all of the weddings i've been in the past year or so. i really should be working on my finals or helping murray address his christmas cards. the dishwasher is competing with friends in background. i just got off the phone with miriam, it was the highlight of my day! she can't get her soon enough. i'm also looking forward to my 2 week break from work. its been so disheartening lately. i spent an hour or so sobbing in my program director's office this afternoon. its a rough climate politically and i'm taking the fall out from it all pretty personally. it seems like no matter how hard i try, its never enough. she pointed out that i let too much of my personal value be dictated by other people. i know she's right, but i don't know what to do about it. tomorrow i'm spending most of the day working at the salvation army with my jr. world savers. maybe i can get my mind off things.

its weird... usually i'm the one talking friends out of similiar funks, but now its me. who will save me? maybe i'll just have some nyquil and curl up with my book.

hope to bring something more uplifting soon.

its been a while...

ok, so i know i'm a slacker and haven't posted in a while. i could blame it on finals and working lots of late hours. saturday i had a christmas party for work and sunday i spent most of the day in the library working on my project for class, coming home around 4pm to take a shot of nyquil and turn in early. unable to go to work this morning i've done much of nothing. drinking gallons of orange juiced laced with various decongestants, i've worked myself into a coma like state. tripp thinks if i make a fun new post people will leave me sympathetic comments. i did also promise to post picture of my new sassy red hair. tragically it has faded some and please forgive my photography skills (or lack there off).
other points of notice since i last wrote... i got my tattoo re-colored, the yellow had faded quite a bit but is now restored to a lovely vibrant tone. i also saw the movie version of rent. it was quite well done. i have to confess that i did sing (however off key) through the entire thing. one of my jr. world savers gave me naked, by david sedaris, i've been piddling through that and enjoying it very much. oh, and big drama the day before thanksgiving, my oven died, tragically in a cornbread making incident. i sat on the floor sobbing, to be comforted by my dear father who offered to take on part of the expense of the replacement as a christmas present (to be delivered on december 12). i gathered up fresh herbs and organic stock and finished making thanksgiving dressing and yummy sweet potatoes at my aunt and uncle's house.

well i better get back in bed, i have to all well by the weekend, my best friend jennifer daniels in playing in charlotte and tlmc's (who thinks i'm giving her a puppy for christmas-ha!) coming to town in just two weeks! yay!

*cough*hack*sniff*